All the blogs I read everyday are listed to the right... Most of the ladies I read about are TTCing, some are my ebay MOMMY friends. ALL the blogs I read I pray for those girls to get their BFPs. I get excited when something good happens to them, I get sad when something bad happens, I guess it is because I feel close to them. I read about their lives everyday!
Well, I have been reading some for a while and other just for a month or 2, but I am glad to say out of all the blogs I read 4 yes 4 of those ladies got their BFP in the last week. While I could be WHY NOT ME? I am excited for them, because I know their journey. I know what they have gone through and what their ups and downs were.
While I like to think they got their BFPs b/c I prayed for them, I know that is not the whole situation these ladies worked hard to get what they wanted!, SO JODI, KELLY, JEN and IP, CONGRATS TO YOU GUYS. Now I pray for STICKY HEALTHY BABIES.
I just wonder sometimes how I can be so excited and positive about their journeys, but when it comes to my own, I feel like SHIT. Please let me join you ladies soon.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
almost forgot...
This is my third round of clomid, now normally I would be thinking about it all day that I need to remember to take my clomid before bed. Taking it at night to reduce side effects. I did not ahve any side effects with the last three cycle, which I guess is good. Anyways, I am getting ready for bed and realize I never took my clomid at 8pm, it is now past 11pm. So down the hatch. WTH would have happened if I would had forgotten. WHEWWWW...
Baby Stuff
I was cleaning out our storage room this morning, of course the majority of the items being stored down there are BABY ITEMS I was saving for the next baby. The longer I was down there the sadder I got. I thought maybe I should just get rid of all the items and then it will happen. Or am I wasting these items by keeping them? I am not sure. I know I said I would be more positive during this CYCLE just told you that 2 hours ago, but how can I be since it is so unknown. No one knows what will happen. Will it? won't it? Am I just making it worst by keeping all this baby stuff in my house waiting for that phantom baby to arrive? I wish there was someone out there that could say to me that they know it will happen for sure, that would make me feel better. Knowing it will happen someday.
1st clomid pill tonight & MORE
I take my first pill tonight, hopfully it is my last 1st pill ever. I am really hoping this is our month. I am trying to be more positive.
I have a lot going on before our July 7th follie check so I am hoping that the next week goes by fast. We are currently getting ready for a 4th of July picnic at our house, we will have lots of food! Stop by if you like, I would love to meet some of you guys IRL.
DD told me this morning while playing with her baby alive wet n wiggles doll that her baby was her best friend. My heart sank, she would make a great BIG SISTER! Just wish it would happen soon.
Told my MOM about my FSH level and she was happy for me, then I asked her then if the Number is so good what is the problem? I have eggs why are they not implanting? She said in Gods Time, I hate when she says this b/c I know she is right. But what is God waiting for? Tell me so I can just do it.
PRAY THIS IS OUR MONTH!
I have a lot going on before our July 7th follie check so I am hoping that the next week goes by fast. We are currently getting ready for a 4th of July picnic at our house, we will have lots of food! Stop by if you like, I would love to meet some of you guys IRL.
DD told me this morning while playing with her baby alive wet n wiggles doll that her baby was her best friend. My heart sank, she would make a great BIG SISTER! Just wish it would happen soon.
Told my MOM about my FSH level and she was happy for me, then I asked her then if the Number is so good what is the problem? I have eggs why are they not implanting? She said in Gods Time, I hate when she says this b/c I know she is right. But what is God waiting for? Tell me so I can just do it.
PRAY THIS IS OUR MONTH!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
DH and I
My DH is the most supportive person in the world. Like I have said he puts up with me. I am a TYPE A personally and need to be in control of everything, while DH is TYPE B so laid back and does not worry until it happens. (did I get the TYPE A and TYPE B right?) Sometimes I wish I was more like DH, I worry about everything and I am a huge planner, I already have my future kids names picked out, what theme I will do for them, how I will handle two at once, how we will tell our parents and how I will rearrange my house to accommodate two children. DH hates when I talk about these things, b/c this means he has to think into the future. I sometimes talk about future kids and find he talking right along until he realizes I have sucked him into my world, the world of goals and plans.
I was telling him last night at dinner my plans for if we have to start paying for treatment (hoping that will not happen) and where we could potentially get the money. He just nodded and did not answer me, but I knew he was listening. He did not argue about money like he usually does. While I know in the back of my mind when it does actually happen it is going to be hard to get him to agree, he would rather spend the money to take DD on big vacations and build his dream house (all things I would like to do too) but gorwing our family is # 1 right now. He says he DOES want more children but believes it will happen on its own. I think until it becomes a huge problem that involves him he will not agree to procedures up front. Again Dh is not a planner, his motto is when it happens we can worry then.
So for this cycle I am doing what my DR says and praying for a little baby to be placed in my uterus and go with the flow. I took last cycle very hard. I do not want to do that again. Feeling that depressed is not good for me, DD or my marriage. Pray for me, b/c sometimes it feels like I have lost all HOPE. But I truly want this to happen for us, I want that family of four. I want DD is to be a BIG SISTER. I want to have a baby in the house, up all night doing feedings and diaper changes. I crave it. Will this ever happen. Guess time will tell, but I hope it is sooner rather then later.
I was telling him last night at dinner my plans for if we have to start paying for treatment (hoping that will not happen) and where we could potentially get the money. He just nodded and did not answer me, but I knew he was listening. He did not argue about money like he usually does. While I know in the back of my mind when it does actually happen it is going to be hard to get him to agree, he would rather spend the money to take DD on big vacations and build his dream house (all things I would like to do too) but gorwing our family is # 1 right now. He says he DOES want more children but believes it will happen on its own. I think until it becomes a huge problem that involves him he will not agree to procedures up front. Again Dh is not a planner, his motto is when it happens we can worry then.
So for this cycle I am doing what my DR says and praying for a little baby to be placed in my uterus and go with the flow. I took last cycle very hard. I do not want to do that again. Feeling that depressed is not good for me, DD or my marriage. Pray for me, b/c sometimes it feels like I have lost all HOPE. But I truly want this to happen for us, I want that family of four. I want DD is to be a BIG SISTER. I want to have a baby in the house, up all night doing feedings and diaper changes. I crave it. Will this ever happen. Guess time will tell, but I hope it is sooner rather then later.
Friday, June 27, 2008
that made my day...
The RE nurse did not call me until 3:30pm, they usually call around 1:30pm so of course my impatience took over and I started to worry there was something was wrong...
Well my FSH level was 7.5! They said that was good and to start clomid on Sunday and I will still be doing 3 shots, trigger before Oing, 2 boosters on 6DPO and 9DPO.
So maybe JULY can be OUR month! Because I was so wrong about June being our month!
Well my FSH level was 7.5! They said that was good and to start clomid on Sunday and I will still be doing 3 shots, trigger before Oing, 2 boosters on 6DPO and 9DPO.
So maybe JULY can be OUR month! Because I was so wrong about June being our month!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
what a day of almost tears...
Today was going well, I am still nervous about my FSH b/w tomorrow. I think this is my worst fear, my eggs being poor quality b/c I waited too long. I only have 1/2 the normal eggs to begin with, because of only having one ovary. I am mad at my ovary for giving up on me, produce more hormones dammit! I pray my FSH test comes back fine and we just have to deal with getting my progestrone and estrogen back to normal after I O. Please let that be the only problem.
I was almost in tears today... but since I was in public I could not cry. I go to work everyday and see cleints who are either pregnant or parenting and are teenagers and I never get upset, maybe after 8 years I am immune Yesturday (the day AF started) I held two babies who were only both a little bit over a month old, I never got sad, just alittle "woe is me".
Now today I went to the salon b/c I needed a hair cut, my hair was growing out in weird way and I could no longer wait for July 14th at my normal appointment. Thank goodness my stylist could get my in. So DD and I went to get our hair cut (her just a bang trim) and we were waiting in our seats having a good old time when a employee came in with her two little girls ( one was born after DD and the other just 3 weeks old) of course she sat the car seat with the baby in it next to my seat to talk to one of the stylists. DD of course pointed at the baby and got all excited... Here is how the convo went...
DD: Cute baby MAMA
Me: yes she is
DD: I like the baby
Me: do you
DD: yes, can we have the baby
Me: no she belongs to her Mommy and she would miss her mommy
DD: Can you get me a baby?
Me Maybe someday
DD: I want Mommy to have a baby too.
Me: me too (tears were forming)
DD: I like that baby
Hairdresser: ladies it is your turn
Me: (saved)
Now I know my 2 1/2 year old does not understand about where babies come from and in her mind she probably thinks we just go buy one, but the fact she loves babies and wants to bring one home with us, breaks my heart. I pray she will be a big sister someday, because she would make a GREAT big sister. I just hope we are not both broken hearted in the process.
I was almost in tears today... but since I was in public I could not cry. I go to work everyday and see cleints who are either pregnant or parenting and are teenagers and I never get upset, maybe after 8 years I am immune Yesturday (the day AF started) I held two babies who were only both a little bit over a month old, I never got sad, just alittle "woe is me".
Now today I went to the salon b/c I needed a hair cut, my hair was growing out in weird way and I could no longer wait for July 14th at my normal appointment. Thank goodness my stylist could get my in. So DD and I went to get our hair cut (her just a bang trim) and we were waiting in our seats having a good old time when a employee came in with her two little girls ( one was born after DD and the other just 3 weeks old) of course she sat the car seat with the baby in it next to my seat to talk to one of the stylists. DD of course pointed at the baby and got all excited... Here is how the convo went...
DD: Cute baby MAMA
Me: yes she is
DD: I like the baby
Me: do you
DD: yes, can we have the baby
Me: no she belongs to her Mommy and she would miss her mommy
DD: Can you get me a baby?
Me Maybe someday
DD: I want Mommy to have a baby too.
Me: me too (tears were forming)
DD: I like that baby
Hairdresser: ladies it is your turn
Me: (saved)
Now I know my 2 1/2 year old does not understand about where babies come from and in her mind she probably thinks we just go buy one, but the fact she loves babies and wants to bring one home with us, breaks my heart. I pray she will be a big sister someday, because she would make a GREAT big sister. I just hope we are not both broken hearted in the process.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
DAY 3
Well talked to the RE this morning... I am doing another clomid 50MG (asked about femara - they are sticking to clomid) with trigger shot and shots on 6DPO and 9DPO. She hopes this will get both my progestrone and estrogen to raise.
She also wants me to do DAY 3 FSH... Which makes me nervous, ok more upset and stressed out. Because I only have one ovary the DR has always told me to have my children before 30, I am 29 because I only have one ovary my chances of going through menopause early are possible. I worried that if my FSH is high (because my estrodial has already proved to be low) we will be done TTCing b/c I know from research HIGH FSH on DAY 3 testing only leads to IVF, which mean DH and I will have to stop. We have no $$$ to do IVF would never be able to qualify to any help b/c we have secondary infertility plus DH would never and has already told me that since we would pay out of pocket he does not want to spend the money, he wants more children but thinks we can do this without paying huge amounts of money. I HATE IF and the fact that it is making me full of anxiety.
She also wants me to do DAY 3 FSH... Which makes me nervous, ok more upset and stressed out. Because I only have one ovary the DR has always told me to have my children before 30, I am 29 because I only have one ovary my chances of going through menopause early are possible. I worried that if my FSH is high (because my estrodial has already proved to be low) we will be done TTCing b/c I know from research HIGH FSH on DAY 3 testing only leads to IVF, which mean DH and I will have to stop. We have no $$$ to do IVF would never be able to qualify to any help b/c we have secondary infertility plus DH would never and has already told me that since we would pay out of pocket he does not want to spend the money, he wants more children but thinks we can do this without paying huge amounts of money. I HATE IF and the fact that it is making me full of anxiety.
done
AF arrived this morning, sad but I knew she was coming. Hopfully we can get the hormons figured out this cycle. guess no beta tomorrow. maybe july will be the month I get pregnant. :(
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
CONFESSION...
AF has still not arrived, but my temps dropped again, not below the cover but low enough to say this cycle is offically over. I wish AF would get here so I can move on with my life...
ON TO THE CONFESSION...
When we started TTCing DD was not 2 yet. Now she is 2 1/2 and still likes her pacifier, has diapers and sleeps with us. While we are TTC I thought I would let her be a baby as long as possible and start elimating those things when I got pregnant, which I thought would be by now. So here I am with a 2 1/2 year old that I a afraid of letting her grow up. Getting rid of the nuk, sleeping in her own bed (which I like her sleeping with us, not good for TTCing though) and changing diapers is OK with me, but I relaize she is getting older and all the changes in these things are going be a struggle, because she is beyond attached to her nuk, has no interest in the potty (did last sumer for about a week) and loves to snuggle with us at night (scared of her bed). I never pushed the issue because I thought I would have leverage when I got pregnant. Avery loves babies, she always asks me for a baby (now I am crying) and I always thought if I say we can give the new baby your nuks, big sister sleeps in her own bed and baby needs your diapers that we could do this and it would work out. But here I am without child in me and heart broken she maybe my last baby, and now I have to think long and hard about when I will start changing her life with things that makes her my baby. Now it would be nice to not change toddler diapers anymore, but it is bitter sweet.
ON TO THE CONFESSION...
When we started TTCing DD was not 2 yet. Now she is 2 1/2 and still likes her pacifier, has diapers and sleeps with us. While we are TTC I thought I would let her be a baby as long as possible and start elimating those things when I got pregnant, which I thought would be by now. So here I am with a 2 1/2 year old that I a afraid of letting her grow up. Getting rid of the nuk, sleeping in her own bed (which I like her sleeping with us, not good for TTCing though) and changing diapers is OK with me, but I relaize she is getting older and all the changes in these things are going be a struggle, because she is beyond attached to her nuk, has no interest in the potty (did last sumer for about a week) and loves to snuggle with us at night (scared of her bed). I never pushed the issue because I thought I would have leverage when I got pregnant. Avery loves babies, she always asks me for a baby (now I am crying) and I always thought if I say we can give the new baby your nuks, big sister sleeps in her own bed and baby needs your diapers that we could do this and it would work out. But here I am without child in me and heart broken she maybe my last baby, and now I have to think long and hard about when I will start changing her life with things that makes her my baby. Now it would be nice to not change toddler diapers anymore, but it is bitter sweet.
Monday, June 23, 2008
VISIT MY STORE...
As some of you guys know I have a EBAY store, stocked with Baby and Maternity clothes. I just signed up with the Sirrup Queen's MOM & POP SHOP. My store is being promoted there. At this point my DH and I are saving to pay for infertility treatments. We have to Pay Out of Pocket and I do not want the money for the treatments to ruin my marriage, this is DH's #1 major concern, how much this all costs and he would rather live with one child then spend lots of money on IUIs and IVF, while I can not see my life without another child. My ebay Money has always been our extra money for when things come up because we live paycheck to paycheck with our normal jobs. Now ebay money will be for Infertility treatments. Please if you see anything you like and would like to purchase please email me and mention you heard about me from the MOM & POP Shop. I will give you a shipping discount. Have a good day.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
BFN...
My trigger is finally out... I got a BFN today. Hopfully AF will come before the beta, because I just want the next cycle to start. I am not surprised that it was a BFN, I waited most the day to test b/c I was not ready to see the no line, but I did do it. Today is CD 29, and tomorrow AF should arrive because it will be 14 DPO. This sucks.
One year ago today...
One year ago today I had a scare... I missed my period. Now being that I was on Birth Control and had a hard time getting pregnant with my DD I thought nothing of it, until I was 5 days late then panick set in. Dh and I had decided that we would wait until MAY 2008 to start trying for #2 mostly b/c of money and also because of him finishing school. But there I was 5 days late, of course I told DH and he laughed it off like it did not matter if I was or not, but I was panicking. I let myself go 1 week with my missed period and then off to Target we went to buy a test. I remember getting DD into the shopping cart and pushing her through the parking lot thinking how the heck am I going to do this with 2 kids, I was excited (I really thought I was pregnant) and nervous, so nervous I was sick to my stomach. We buy a test a few other items and headed home. Two kids under 2, I could do this. I took the test and of course it was negative, I cried and cried because for some reason I really wanted this phantom baby, needless to say my AF came within the next hour. Ever since that day I wanted to start trying, but of course DH wanted to wait b/c it was not a good time to start. Which I did agreed.
In the beginning of September I missed my period again. Again I thought I am pregnant and was so excited. But after a ton of pregnancy tests and 2 months without a period nope not pregnant. Took provera to get my AF started and it did not come until 2 weeks later, DR did tell me I was Oing at one visit but she wanted me to wait until next cycle to try (I did not listen I went home to BD anyways OOPS). During this time I had a long heart to heart with my DR who said my body is starting to tell me it is time to start trying again. Of course I agreed I would have started in June if it was not for DH, so I went home talked with Dh and he said lets do it. He told me You will not get pregnant right away anyways (thanks DH) and if you do we will deal.
Do here we are, still not pregnant but for the last year my body and mind have ached for a baby. Will it ever happen?
In the beginning of September I missed my period again. Again I thought I am pregnant and was so excited. But after a ton of pregnancy tests and 2 months without a period nope not pregnant. Took provera to get my AF started and it did not come until 2 weeks later, DR did tell me I was Oing at one visit but she wanted me to wait until next cycle to try (I did not listen I went home to BD anyways OOPS). During this time I had a long heart to heart with my DR who said my body is starting to tell me it is time to start trying again. Of course I agreed I would have started in June if it was not for DH, so I went home talked with Dh and he said lets do it. He told me You will not get pregnant right away anyways (thanks DH) and if you do we will deal.
Do here we are, still not pregnant but for the last year my body and mind have ached for a baby. Will it ever happen?
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Oh Saturday...
Saturday was a whirlwind, we had a family picnic today and all I could think of is am I ever going to have another baby. Seeing all the kids running around playing made me sad. Watching Avery play with all the "bigger" kids and trying to keep up with them made me sad, she is getting so big and independent. She is not my baby anymore, but always will be in my heart...
I did cry a bit today b/c I was thinking if something happens to Dh or I now or in the future she is not going to have any siblings to comfort her and that makes me sad.
I am thinking of calling the DR and getting my beta moved up, but I know I will chicken out, I just want to move forward, fresh new cycle or fresh new pregnany. All this waiting is hard.
I am having pains in my side, like in the hip area and sometimes they go toward my right ovary (only one I have) and slight cramps which makes me think AF IS coming. But I wish the pains wouold go away b/c it is worrying me I get cysts easily.
I did cry a bit today b/c I was thinking if something happens to Dh or I now or in the future she is not going to have any siblings to comfort her and that makes me sad.
I am thinking of calling the DR and getting my beta moved up, but I know I will chicken out, I just want to move forward, fresh new cycle or fresh new pregnany. All this waiting is hard.
I am having pains in my side, like in the hip area and sometimes they go toward my right ovary (only one I have) and slight cramps which makes me think AF IS coming. But I wish the pains wouold go away b/c it is worrying me I get cysts easily.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Not sure what to write...
I am in a weird place today... I am not sure how to feel... This morning I got up and POAS (still peeing out trigger) and it was stalk white, so I was going to call the DR when I returned home to tell her I peed my trigger out can we move up my beta date to get this over with. But I went home and POAS again and there was a line. So I guess I did not pee out the trigger, in the Pee Stick Defense, I peed on two different types of pee sticks, both internet cheapies. But from difference companies.
AM pee stick: from early pregnancy tests
PM pee stick: from save on tests
So now I am wondering and had slight hope, but I know the trigger is still there, it should be anyways, I was surprised when I saw the neg this monring. My chart still looks AWESOME (thanks ferility drugs)
I also feel like crap, My Abs hurt, probably from sitting in front of the computer trying to beat my MOM on the ebay race, which ends tonight at midnight. and I am having cramps which only started today, AF type cramps.
So will POAS tomorrow to see what is brings, hoping trigger will be gone and maybe I can move up my beta. BIG FAMILY picnic tomorrow and Sunday so maybe it will keep my mind of AF coming, I just know it is coming.
AM pee stick: from early pregnancy tests
PM pee stick: from save on tests
So now I am wondering and had slight hope, but I know the trigger is still there, it should be anyways, I was surprised when I saw the neg this monring. My chart still looks AWESOME (thanks ferility drugs)
I also feel like crap, My Abs hurt, probably from sitting in front of the computer trying to beat my MOM on the ebay race, which ends tonight at midnight. and I am having cramps which only started today, AF type cramps.
So will POAS tomorrow to see what is brings, hoping trigger will be gone and maybe I can move up my beta. BIG FAMILY picnic tomorrow and Sunday so maybe it will keep my mind of AF coming, I just know it is coming.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I asked for it...
This morning in the shower I asked GOD to show me the way, help me through this and show me a sign of what I am suppost to do...Well remind me to NOT go to TARGET in the middle of the day... I SAW 5, yes 5 very pregnant ladies there within 5 mintues, some with toddlers and some toting little ones on their hips that could not have been more the 1 years old. This is my thoughts after each one I saw
1st: wish I was pregnant
2nd: how is she carrying that child and all those items at once
3rd: is it bump day here WTF
4th: I guess I did ask GOD for a sign
5th: OK LORD I get the idea.
So either my sign was one day this will be you or get used to seeing pregnant women everywhere for the rest of your life.
1st: wish I was pregnant
2nd: how is she carrying that child and all those items at once
3rd: is it bump day here WTF
4th: I guess I did ask GOD for a sign
5th: OK LORD I get the idea.
So either my sign was one day this will be you or get used to seeing pregnant women everywhere for the rest of your life.
Symptoms...
I am still not having a good day, but I do have acupuncture today so maybe that would make me feel somewhat better...
I was thinking today about pregnancy symptoms and how when you are in the 2WW phantom symptoms start... we all know what they are and have been there.
So here are my phantom pregnancy symptoms right now...
1. Tender Breasts: I have this, never ever get this but I beleive the HCG shots are making them tender
2.Fatigue: anyone who knows me know I am tried all the time, I get 8 hours of sleep a night and only get up once to pee, but I am always tried and drained.
3. Nausea: I also have this too... never get this, not even last time I was pregnant (thank goodness) but I am nauseous, probably b/c my sinuses are stuffy from allergies and draining into my stomach - sorry if gross thought.
4.Bachaches : I have backaches every once in a while lately they have been more often, I always contribute it to carrying my daughter around.
5. Headaches: headaches are the story of my life, I get tension headaches, headaches from certain foods and allergy headaches, normal for me.
6. Urination: NOPE do not pee alot at all, not a symptom
7. Food Cravings: I crave everything, but I LOVE food, so if I have a craving for it I usually eat it, again normal for me.
So here are all my phantom symptoms and most are normal for me... SO if I get pregnant I will feel the exact same way I fell now, LIKE CRAP.
I was thinking today about pregnancy symptoms and how when you are in the 2WW phantom symptoms start... we all know what they are and have been there.
So here are my phantom pregnancy symptoms right now...
1. Tender Breasts: I have this, never ever get this but I beleive the HCG shots are making them tender
2.Fatigue: anyone who knows me know I am tried all the time, I get 8 hours of sleep a night and only get up once to pee, but I am always tried and drained.
3. Nausea: I also have this too... never get this, not even last time I was pregnant (thank goodness) but I am nauseous, probably b/c my sinuses are stuffy from allergies and draining into my stomach - sorry if gross thought.
4.Bachaches : I have backaches every once in a while lately they have been more often, I always contribute it to carrying my daughter around.
5. Headaches: headaches are the story of my life, I get tension headaches, headaches from certain foods and allergy headaches, normal for me.
6. Urination: NOPE do not pee alot at all, not a symptom
7. Food Cravings: I crave everything, but I LOVE food, so if I have a craving for it I usually eat it, again normal for me.
So here are all my phantom symptoms and most are normal for me... SO if I get pregnant I will feel the exact same way I fell now, LIKE CRAP.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
PLEASE LORD...
get me through this, I feel so lost right now. I am having a horrible day today and am not sure how much longer I can do this. Please help DH realize that this may not happen like last time and be supportive of anything the DR wants us to do. Please help the people around me (family and friends) understand I LOVE my daughter and want so badly to have another child to be her sibling and for me to raise and love.
I want to stop crying, over analyzing my chart and being bitter towards those who are pregnant without problems.
I long to hold a baby again in my arms and in my heart. My uterus aches for it.
Please get me through all the IF treatment and if we have to turn to more invasive treatment please help us figure out how we will afford it and how to get DH to agree to it.
All I ask is for you to allow me to experience pregnancy and a healthy baby one more time and then I will stop bothering you about it.
Please give me HOPE again, b/c I feel at the moment all hope is lost and I am not sure how to be positive about the process again.
Please help me heal if you choose this to NOT be our path b/c I am not sure how I will live my lie without another.
Please help those who have been experiencing miscarriages, deaths of babies and IF.
Please help me undrstand why you have choosen to let me experience secondary infertility.
I want to stop crying, over analyzing my chart and being bitter towards those who are pregnant without problems.
I long to hold a baby again in my arms and in my heart. My uterus aches for it.
Please get me through all the IF treatment and if we have to turn to more invasive treatment please help us figure out how we will afford it and how to get DH to agree to it.
All I ask is for you to allow me to experience pregnancy and a healthy baby one more time and then I will stop bothering you about it.
Please give me HOPE again, b/c I feel at the moment all hope is lost and I am not sure how to be positive about the process again.
Please help me heal if you choose this to NOT be our path b/c I am not sure how I will live my lie without another.
Please help those who have been experiencing miscarriages, deaths of babies and IF.
Please help me undrstand why you have choosen to let me experience secondary infertility.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
bad day...
I WAS feeling alittle hopeful this morning, but temp jumped from 98.10 to 98.18 which I thought was great and I felt good, until i went in for my progestrone test. Here is the break down...
progestrone was 11 (they wanted to see at least 10 but as high as 15)
estrodial was 68 (they wanted to see 100)
so she asked me to come into the office right away and get another trigger (booster) shot to see if my levels on both of these woud raise. I asked her if there is a chance for pregnancy this cycle, she told me that if I was pregnant my levels would not be high enough to keep the pregnancy that is why the extra boost shot would trick my ovary into thinking I was pregnant and it had to work harder. I also asked if my ovary has decided to shut down bc it is over worked she never really answered me. She concluded with she has seen low levels before that ended up in pregnancy b/c they did the extra shots, so she is hoping that we caught it early enough to save it. Now when she said that my first thought was that she says I am 8 DPO while my temps say I am 10DPO so the chances that they caught it in time are slim.
I cried all the way into the DR and all the way home. I am so frustrated with my ovary and it deciding to not produce enough hormones to help me get pregnant, I am tried of the routine every cycle, I am scared to death I will never have another child, I am scared that we will have to turn to IUI or IVF and will not be able to afford that.
The really bad thing about this is now I can not take a HPT, I have to wait for my beta, plus wiht this extra shot it will prolong my cycle at least another 4 days, IF sucks. I just wanted to throw things and cry.
progestrone was 11 (they wanted to see at least 10 but as high as 15)
estrodial was 68 (they wanted to see 100)
so she asked me to come into the office right away and get another trigger (booster) shot to see if my levels on both of these woud raise. I asked her if there is a chance for pregnancy this cycle, she told me that if I was pregnant my levels would not be high enough to keep the pregnancy that is why the extra boost shot would trick my ovary into thinking I was pregnant and it had to work harder. I also asked if my ovary has decided to shut down bc it is over worked she never really answered me. She concluded with she has seen low levels before that ended up in pregnancy b/c they did the extra shots, so she is hoping that we caught it early enough to save it. Now when she said that my first thought was that she says I am 8 DPO while my temps say I am 10DPO so the chances that they caught it in time are slim.
I cried all the way into the DR and all the way home. I am so frustrated with my ovary and it deciding to not produce enough hormones to help me get pregnant, I am tried of the routine every cycle, I am scared to death I will never have another child, I am scared that we will have to turn to IUI or IVF and will not be able to afford that.
The really bad thing about this is now I can not take a HPT, I have to wait for my beta, plus wiht this extra shot it will prolong my cycle at least another 4 days, IF sucks. I just wanted to throw things and cry.
Monday, June 16, 2008
I am back... this weeks plans...
I am back form the beach... A little sunburned (not bad just uncomfortable) my temp jumped from 97.93 - 98.10 this AM, it never reaches the 98's thought maybe my sunburn had something to do with it. What do you think???
We had a nice time (as always) will post pictures of DD on the beach.
Also my Mom and I made a bet (my ebay friends will understand this) I agreed to this b/c I need something to distract me from the rest of my 2WW. But we decided that whoever lists the most over their goal by friday (my goal 100 her goal 150 b/c she has some help) will treat to other to a dinner at a local resturant (TOSCANI). I am not sure I will be able to do that in 4 days, but hoping for the best. NEED ALL THE $$$$ I CAN GET TO PAY FOR TREATMENT. At least I can keep my mind off the 2WW, maybe not. It has always been in the back of my mind the last 4 days. Am I or NOT? I am feeling NOT but there is always HOPE.
Post more tomorrow. Got to sleep it has been a long 4 days.
We had a nice time (as always) will post pictures of DD on the beach.
Also my Mom and I made a bet (my ebay friends will understand this) I agreed to this b/c I need something to distract me from the rest of my 2WW. But we decided that whoever lists the most over their goal by friday (my goal 100 her goal 150 b/c she has some help) will treat to other to a dinner at a local resturant (TOSCANI). I am not sure I will be able to do that in 4 days, but hoping for the best. NEED ALL THE $$$$ I CAN GET TO PAY FOR TREATMENT. At least I can keep my mind off the 2WW, maybe not. It has always been in the back of my mind the last 4 days. Am I or NOT? I am feeling NOT but there is always HOPE.
Post more tomorrow. Got to sleep it has been a long 4 days.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Leaving for weekend...
Be checking a few times over the weekend. But will probbaly not be posting much. Have a nice sunny weekend, I will try to not obsess over very tingle.
My chart
I am worried about the temp dip this AM, call me crazy. Also as I have stated before the RE says I am 4DPO and FF says I am 6DPO. I am confused and worried. Any thoughts on my chart?? Does the trigger make your temp higher? RE never told me to stop charting. Any advice would be appericated, I am alittle bit full of anxiety today over my temps.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/55726
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/55726
DREAMS
There are several things in my life that I dream about happening or having... MOst of the time these things are in the back of my mind as goals but when I see someone else get these things I want then I start thinking about these things again...
Here are my dreams (goals in life)
1. Have another baby, this is priority #1 on my list. While I am afraid we may never get there I still have HOPE.
2. Build a house. Our orginial plan was to build in May 08. But when DD was 8 months old we relaized we needed more room out 900 sq foot house was not cutting it, so we upgraded to something we could afford at the time, 1600 sq foot rancher. While my house is cute it is not my dream house. I still would like to build someday (soon).
3. Get out of debt. This is easier said then done. We were on track until all this Infertility bills started rolling in. Now it is hard to keep up. Hopefully someday we will get there.
4. Take my DD (and any future kids) to Disney. I really really wnated to do this this year but again Inferility appointments and bills got in the way, so we settled on the beach. It is free to it works well for us.
These are my goals, I pray everyday for #1 and #3. Hopfully we can get there soon.
Here are my dreams (goals in life)
1. Have another baby, this is priority #1 on my list. While I am afraid we may never get there I still have HOPE.
2. Build a house. Our orginial plan was to build in May 08. But when DD was 8 months old we relaized we needed more room out 900 sq foot house was not cutting it, so we upgraded to something we could afford at the time, 1600 sq foot rancher. While my house is cute it is not my dream house. I still would like to build someday (soon).
3. Get out of debt. This is easier said then done. We were on track until all this Infertility bills started rolling in. Now it is hard to keep up. Hopefully someday we will get there.
4. Take my DD (and any future kids) to Disney. I really really wnated to do this this year but again Inferility appointments and bills got in the way, so we settled on the beach. It is free to it works well for us.
These are my goals, I pray everyday for #1 and #3. Hopfully we can get there soon.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
2WW Plan
Usually during the 2WW all I can think of is if I am pregnant or not. It also drags on and on. Even though I hate waiting to O I also feel anxiety during the 2WW.
So here is my plan to NOT think about it during the 2WW.
Tomorrow until Monday we are going to the Beach again. So all weekend I will be spending with my DH, DD and my Mom, so I will be busy sunning myself and eating lots of seafood.
Tuesday - Friday next week I have a lot of work (at work) to catch up on and when I am home at night it is all about playing with DD and listing on ebay. (Halloween costumes are next to be listed). Then Saturday and Sunday we have family picnics both days. SO if FF is right with my O day I will get AF on Saturday but if the RE is correct then I will not get it till Monday.
So keeping myself busy is the plan. Hopefully I will not think about it too much.
Today I have had a belly ache all day, not like sick but like I have to go to the bathroom but can not go. (sorry if TMI) so of course it has me off whack so today there was not pregnancy thought.
Also a internet friend of mine who found out she was pregnant (on her own) after adoption and IVF told me today that she read The Secret and tried to visualize a baby by telling people (in her family) that they were going to have a baby someday and she even bought kids clothes and maternity clothes to prepare for it, knowing she had IF problems in the past. She said it helped her visualize a baby. She believes that really helped in conceiving. While I believe in karma and praying, I am not sure if I am that optimistic. I am afraid if I think I am pregnant that I will be even more let down when I find out I am not. I also feel if I buy things for the future baby I will be jinxing myself.
Ayone else feel this way?
So here is my plan to NOT think about it during the 2WW.
Tomorrow until Monday we are going to the Beach again. So all weekend I will be spending with my DH, DD and my Mom, so I will be busy sunning myself and eating lots of seafood.
Tuesday - Friday next week I have a lot of work (at work) to catch up on and when I am home at night it is all about playing with DD and listing on ebay. (Halloween costumes are next to be listed). Then Saturday and Sunday we have family picnics both days. SO if FF is right with my O day I will get AF on Saturday but if the RE is correct then I will not get it till Monday.
So keeping myself busy is the plan. Hopefully I will not think about it too much.
Today I have had a belly ache all day, not like sick but like I have to go to the bathroom but can not go. (sorry if TMI) so of course it has me off whack so today there was not pregnancy thought.
Also a internet friend of mine who found out she was pregnant (on her own) after adoption and IVF told me today that she read The Secret and tried to visualize a baby by telling people (in her family) that they were going to have a baby someday and she even bought kids clothes and maternity clothes to prepare for it, knowing she had IF problems in the past. She said it helped her visualize a baby. She believes that really helped in conceiving. While I believe in karma and praying, I am not sure if I am that optimistic. I am afraid if I think I am pregnant that I will be even more let down when I find out I am not. I also feel if I buy things for the future baby I will be jinxing myself.
Ayone else feel this way?
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Pineapple & I are friends again...
Last cycle I was iffy about eating pineapple (I usually do) during the 2ww (1-5 DPO) but I ended up eating it, feeling that I would feel guilty if I did not get my BFP b/c I did not eat my pineapple, even though we know that is not true. So this cycle I started eating my pineapple b/c I do not want to feel guilty when we get a BFN and I did not eat it.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Secondary Infertility Ladies...
I just read this book called THE WAITING WOMB by Jill Sayre. I highly recommend it. The author also had suffered through secondary infertility, but it is a STORY but some of what is in the book may have been her experience, not sure. Here is a part that I felt spoke to me personally.
" Yes I did have a beautiful and healthy 4 year old son. I dared not forget to be grateful for that, because everyone seemed to feel at liberty to keep reminding me about it. "I am grateful" I wanted to scream at them. Truly I was grateful. But having tasted the sweet experience of being a mother, I wanted more. Those who had never found themselves in this maddening situation had no understanding of what it is like. Secondary Infertility was just as painful as not being able to conceive the first time. In some ways it was actually worst the second time, because you knew what you were missing."
I cried when I read this. Because I know what this is like. I miss having a tiny baby in the house. I know what I am missing in the miracle of pregnancy and feeling so in love with something. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my daughter and am so grateful for her. She truly is the love of my life. But that does not mean I do not crave more.
" Yes I did have a beautiful and healthy 4 year old son. I dared not forget to be grateful for that, because everyone seemed to feel at liberty to keep reminding me about it. "I am grateful" I wanted to scream at them. Truly I was grateful. But having tasted the sweet experience of being a mother, I wanted more. Those who had never found themselves in this maddening situation had no understanding of what it is like. Secondary Infertility was just as painful as not being able to conceive the first time. In some ways it was actually worst the second time, because you knew what you were missing."
I cried when I read this. Because I know what this is like. I miss having a tiny baby in the house. I know what I am missing in the miracle of pregnancy and feeling so in love with something. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my daughter and am so grateful for her. She truly is the love of my life. But that does not mean I do not crave more.
Bumper sticker...
Was feeling sort of sad today while driving, wishing so badly just to be pregnant with a healthy baby... when I saw a bumper sticker that said
LET BE AND LET GOD
was that a sign?
LET BE AND LET GOD
was that a sign?
Monday, June 9, 2008
I counted
So I am reading blogs and it occurs to me that I should count Cycle days to see what weeks I will be Oing, assuming I O b/t day 14-16 (I am thnking medicated cycles). Anyways I get to the end of August and realize I will O the weekend we are away at the beach. If I am still being Montiored or on our way to an IUI we will not be around for O time. I hope my BFP will come before then b/c there is no way DH will not want to go to the beach, we usually go for the week but Dh has no vacation this summer (started new job). Now that is one more thing to worry about.
OMG Simply Saline
I just went to the medicine cabnet to stare at the allergy medication in there... that is when I saw it (SIMPLY SALINE) Sprayed it in my nose and it opened up a bit! It is expired by 2 months, so I will pick more up tomorrow. Problem half way solved (it did not open me up all the way).
I feel like crap...
I woke up this morning with my allergies through the roof and being I am in my fertile time I refuse to take anything, so all I did all day was blow my nose, stuff tissue up my nose (yes I did this, as soon as everyone left the office) and prayed this would GO AWAY.
The RE nurse also called me today to see how the shot went and asked if we were able to have a romantic weekend, yes she did say that. I of course told her yes and told her about the intense pain I had last night. She told me we should O today and make sure we have sex again today. She then set up my Progestrone test and the beta test. OK she is optimistic thinking I will need a BETA. Being I felt like crap I never asked her about the temperture issue from yesturday, but at this point (like ariella said) I am not looking too much into it, but I think tomorrow FF will be giving me crosshairs, which will be wrong and might have me second guessing myself at the end of the cycle, I am temp obsessed. After I got off the phone I realized I should have asked her what I could take for my allerigies without disrupting what is going on in there.
It did not help my allergies that it is HOT today (100 degrees +) and I had to wear long pants to work, making it worse. I am sitting here now with tissue up my nose so I can type. Hoping tomorrow it will be better.
The RE nurse also called me today to see how the shot went and asked if we were able to have a romantic weekend, yes she did say that. I of course told her yes and told her about the intense pain I had last night. She told me we should O today and make sure we have sex again today. She then set up my Progestrone test and the beta test. OK she is optimistic thinking I will need a BETA. Being I felt like crap I never asked her about the temperture issue from yesturday, but at this point (like ariella said) I am not looking too much into it, but I think tomorrow FF will be giving me crosshairs, which will be wrong and might have me second guessing myself at the end of the cycle, I am temp obsessed. After I got off the phone I realized I should have asked her what I could take for my allerigies without disrupting what is going on in there.
It did not help my allergies that it is HOT today (100 degrees +) and I had to wear long pants to work, making it worse. I am sitting here now with tissue up my nose so I can type. Hoping tomorrow it will be better.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Obsessed... need advice if anyone is out there.
I know I obsess but need advice.
Backstory: Yesturday I had u/s I had one mature follie at 20 and one at 15. The DR called me at 11:00 and told me that everything looked great and they were pleased I at least had one mature follie but wished there were more. Then told me that I was beginning to surge on my own to do the trigger shot ASAP and I should have sex yesturday, today and Monday and should O prob late Sunday or early Monday. OK GREAT, did my trigger shot had a romp in the afternoon, also they told me not to take a OPK b/c once I have the trigger it would be a false positive, just go by what they are saying.
This AM I take my temp and it is 97.67 at 6:30 am my normal time (way above normal) so I get a little upset b/c I am only suppost to O today not yesturday and how could my egg release and died within a 24 hours period (I had u/s yesturday at 8am and it was not released yet). So I go back to bed and take my temp again at 8:30 and it is the same. So I think HUH??? Was the temp earlier wrong or is this temp wrong?
I adjusted my temp in FF with the 8:30 temp and got a much lower temp for 6:30, which would you go by?
6:30 - higher temp which means I Oed yesturday (which in my head is impossible)
OR
8:30am - adjusted temp which means I could still O today which the RE told me I should?
Help, I am driving myself nuts!
Sorry if I seem crazy obsessed, I felt really great about this cycle until this AM.
Backstory: Yesturday I had u/s I had one mature follie at 20 and one at 15. The DR called me at 11:00 and told me that everything looked great and they were pleased I at least had one mature follie but wished there were more. Then told me that I was beginning to surge on my own to do the trigger shot ASAP and I should have sex yesturday, today and Monday and should O prob late Sunday or early Monday. OK GREAT, did my trigger shot had a romp in the afternoon, also they told me not to take a OPK b/c once I have the trigger it would be a false positive, just go by what they are saying.
This AM I take my temp and it is 97.67 at 6:30 am my normal time (way above normal) so I get a little upset b/c I am only suppost to O today not yesturday and how could my egg release and died within a 24 hours period (I had u/s yesturday at 8am and it was not released yet). So I go back to bed and take my temp again at 8:30 and it is the same. So I think HUH??? Was the temp earlier wrong or is this temp wrong?
I adjusted my temp in FF with the 8:30 temp and got a much lower temp for 6:30, which would you go by?
6:30 - higher temp which means I Oed yesturday (which in my head is impossible)
OR
8:30am - adjusted temp which means I could still O today which the RE told me I should?
Help, I am driving myself nuts!
Sorry if I seem crazy obsessed, I felt really great about this cycle until this AM.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
UPDATE #3 I am Triggered!!!!!!!!!
Funny story, I was running errands this morning and got the call from the DR. He said my levels were great my lining was OK and I have at least one mature egg ready to pop, also my LH was starting to surge on it's own. So do the trigger NOW! I was in the parking lot at the grocery store getting ready to get out with my nephew (who i was babysitting) and my DD. I threw them back in the car and drove them to my house. I told DH I had to trigger NOW, he was a deer in head lights. He said I can not give you that shot, I said no you are watching the kids while I go to my sister's work and have her give it to me. So I Texted my sister to call me ASAP and started off to her work. When I got there we went into the bathroom (she works for a small salon) all the clients must have thought we were weird, I go rushing in there and we both retreat to the bathroom. I hand her the instrutions on how to give the shot while I mix the solution. After she read it she gave me a worried look, I said I can call my friend to give it to me if you want, she insisted she would be able to do it, she said al I have to do is jam it into your butt and press down. WHOA! You can be a little more gentle then that. So here we both are in a tiny bathroom with my butt hanging out leading over the toilet, and I must say it was not so bad. She did not count she just did it. Then she massaged it (like it said in the directions) and she said I can not believe I am massaging your butt.
I did not bruise, I did not hurt at the injections site, until later today after i took a nap. It was sore. But if this will help us have a baby OK then.
I did not bruise, I did not hurt at the injections site, until later today after i took a nap. It was sore. But if this will help us have a baby OK then.
Update #2
This morning I had once again another date with VC. I had one follie being 20mm and the other was only 15mm, so it only grew 1mm in 24 hours. Plus my lining was only 7, which she said is OK. They are calling me today to see if I have to come in tomorrow AGAIN. But more then likely I will be triggering tonight. Praying this works. I hope one follie is enough.
Friday, June 6, 2008
update...
Today I had another appt with the vjayjay cam... both my follies grew 2mm, so now one is 14mm and one is 18mm. They are hoping tomorrow at least one will be at least 20 and I can trigger tomorrow night, which would be great so i can get this over with. To be real - the shot is making me nervous. The nurse told me this AM that the trigger shot is not as bad as it looks. But I am still scared.
Pray my Follies grow and I get great timing this weekend and be pregnant, b/c my bank account is already tapped out.
Pray my Follies grow and I get great timing this weekend and be pregnant, b/c my bank account is already tapped out.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
My DAY...
MY day started off with a date with the vajayjay cam. Since I only have one ovary there was only one place to look for follies, it took me a few times for this to sink for the tech - she kept looking for my left ovary even after I told her. I have two follies, one 12mm and one 16 mm, being that it CD 12 they felt it they should be larger. So they think I will not O on time, but at my normal range, at CD 16, I usually O on CD 18 without meds. So at this point I felt that Clomid did not do the job of making me O on time. Anyways, I have to go back for another u/s tomorrow, to see if they grew at all. After this happened all my HOPE went out the window. I could feel the tears welling up as I thought about it. Also I am triggering on Saturday. Which scares the crap out fo me. My sister has to give it to me, b/c DH would never be able to handle it and my Mom is going away. So she is my only option, so now she knows about our IF. If she chickens out I will have to call my friend who is a nurse and drive 30 mintues to have her give it to me. Praying my follies grow a little more so they do not release on the small side. Maybe that is my problem.
I also had acupuncture today and she and I got talking about my frustrations with TTC and she told me to put it our to the universe that we will be pregnant this cycle. Boy am I praying for that!
I also had acupuncture today and she and I got talking about my frustrations with TTC and she told me to put it our to the universe that we will be pregnant this cycle. Boy am I praying for that!
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Waiting to O
I hate waiting to O so much more then the 2 week wait. When O approaches I get all full of anxiety and worry about everything, will we have good timing, did I miss my surge of the OPK, did we do it too much, did we do it too little, will the sperm die before they even look at my egg, will we have time to BD, will DD sleep so we can BD??? These things consume me for about 1 week while waiting to O. At least this cycle I will get to see my eggies tomorrow and see where we stand, but I still worry. Then once O is confirmed I go back to feeling better less anxiety. I much rather be in the 2WW dreaming of that BFP then waiting to O and hoping we do it right??
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
re occuring dream...
For months now I have been having this re occuring dream. It goes something like this...
I am walking or biking (I do not bike IRL) and am going down this walkway where there are shops on either side of me, they are very close together like a alley with pretty window setting and flowers everywhere, I am usually carrying heavy bags (assuming they are my big purchases)on either with me, I love shopping. As I walk (or bike in some cases) I go down the alley way where all the shops are located and I feel like I am in a hurry and also having a hard time breathing... but I keep walking. I get to the middle of the alley way and run smack into a huge glass window that separates the end of the alley way, I can no longer keep walking down the alley. Then I turn around, but I have to back track and go down another street to get where I am going, this street is usually gray and not so nice looking. This is always how the dream ends, but last night when I had this dream I stood at the glass wondow for a while and kept looking down the alley way as if I was looking for something, then all of a sudden I realized there it is! but I am not certain what it was that I had found in my dream I knew. So then I turned around to go down another street to get where I am going and it ended as normal. During these dreams I feel, tired, frustrated and have a heavy sense of feeling.
I never really thought about this dream in depth until this morning in the shower, maybe it is my IF journey...
Tried, Frustrated, looking towards the end, having to take other paths to get there. Who knows! Just wnated to share.
I am walking or biking (I do not bike IRL) and am going down this walkway where there are shops on either side of me, they are very close together like a alley with pretty window setting and flowers everywhere, I am usually carrying heavy bags (assuming they are my big purchases)on either with me, I love shopping. As I walk (or bike in some cases) I go down the alley way where all the shops are located and I feel like I am in a hurry and also having a hard time breathing... but I keep walking. I get to the middle of the alley way and run smack into a huge glass window that separates the end of the alley way, I can no longer keep walking down the alley. Then I turn around, but I have to back track and go down another street to get where I am going, this street is usually gray and not so nice looking. This is always how the dream ends, but last night when I had this dream I stood at the glass wondow for a while and kept looking down the alley way as if I was looking for something, then all of a sudden I realized there it is! but I am not certain what it was that I had found in my dream I knew. So then I turned around to go down another street to get where I am going and it ended as normal. During these dreams I feel, tired, frustrated and have a heavy sense of feeling.
I never really thought about this dream in depth until this morning in the shower, maybe it is my IF journey...
Tried, Frustrated, looking towards the end, having to take other paths to get there. Who knows! Just wnated to share.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Found this on Fertility Friend
Thank you Lord for all the blessings in my life, help me remember them as I face the challenges of Inferility. I pray I can surrender myself into your hands. Let me accept the reality of this situation and have wisdom and courage to take action where I can. Strenghten my Mind, Body and Spirit to endure the trails of Inferility. Keep me ever mindful of the needs of others and grant us peace. Amen.
Exhausted...
I am sooo tired and feel like doing nothing but I have soooo much to do.
I do not remember Clomid hitting me this hard last cycle. I am tired, My Boobs hurt (they never hurt - not even when I was pregnant), I have a headache and I am so bloated I wore maternity pants today. I know, I know but in my defense they look like normal pants just have the elastic back waist. So comfy! I do not want to jinx myself, for that is the first thing I thought of this morning when I pulled them out, am I jinxing myself?
Also my allergeries are in full force and I refused to take anything b/c it might dry up my CM, and since I have hardly any to begun with I do not want to take the chance.
It is hard to be positive (june is positive thought month) when you feel like crap.
I have to go list on ebay (need the money for acupuncture this week), feel free to purchase from me www.littleladybugscloset.com. I have a ton of maternity still for sale ladies.
Tonight is my last Clomid pill, then I will be Oing hopefully by the weekend. Hooray! (trying to be positive)
I do not remember Clomid hitting me this hard last cycle. I am tired, My Boobs hurt (they never hurt - not even when I was pregnant), I have a headache and I am so bloated I wore maternity pants today. I know, I know but in my defense they look like normal pants just have the elastic back waist. So comfy! I do not want to jinx myself, for that is the first thing I thought of this morning when I pulled them out, am I jinxing myself?
Also my allergeries are in full force and I refused to take anything b/c it might dry up my CM, and since I have hardly any to begun with I do not want to take the chance.
It is hard to be positive (june is positive thought month) when you feel like crap.
I have to go list on ebay (need the money for acupuncture this week), feel free to purchase from me www.littleladybugscloset.com. I have a ton of maternity still for sale ladies.
Tonight is my last Clomid pill, then I will be Oing hopefully by the weekend. Hooray! (trying to be positive)
Sunday, June 1, 2008
June 1st...
This is the month that we get pregnant, I am going to try really hard not to stress about it and just do our best to have great timing, have fun and not worry about it anymore. This is how I feel today, hoping this carries on to the rest of the month.
As my Mom says " positivity breeds positivity"
As my Mom says " positivity breeds positivity"
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