2 month appt

Camryn had her 2 month appt today, I can not believe she is two months already! Time is flying.

She had her Dr appt today for her shots :( She was smiling and cooing the entire time we were at the DR, she was having such fun being all cute and everyone gashing all over her, but the nurse told her, you love me now just you wait you will change your mind. She cried for a little but as soon as I picked her up she stopped, mommy love.

Avery was good too, I wondered how she would react with Camryn getting the shots, she held her hand and had her nosy right there the whole time, she told her it would only hurt for a minute. It was so cute.

Now all Camryn wants to do is cuddle and we are find with that.

doppler for sale (SOLD)

hello all pregnant ladies...

I am selling my fetal doppler, I am kinda sad about it, b/c it means no more babies for me, for real. But wanted to offer it to my readers before I list it on ebay...

fetal pocket doppler, like they have in the dr office, used all my pregnancy, since I had an anterior placenta it helped my worrying alot...I also will include the ultrasound gel, 3/4 full. It has a digital screen, with backlight for late night checking yes I would check her at 3am. It also had volume control, to hide the sound for when DH tells you for the 15th that day to back away from the doppler b/c you just checked on her 5 mintues ago. Yes that happened

I am wiling to part with it for $85.00 + 8.95 flat fee shipping. I will wait till Friday PM to hear from anyone at jlb0017 at aol dot com (first come first serve), then I am listing it else where. I will take pay pal as payment.

thanks

Success!!!

BFing at the zoo, I so proud!

Why do YOU blog?

This question as asked of me the other day...



I recently started a BLOG for the girls to allow family and friends see what we are up to. It kinda came out when I was asked what made me think to start a blog for the girls, I said well I have my own BLOG that no one has read... then the question was asked... The person meant no harm just in my opinion curious as to why I would put my life out there and why was I interested in reading about other people's lives.

At the beginning of my If journey I began to read MAY.DAY.GIRL's Blog, mostly b/c she frequently posted on the nest and I got to know her story. One night I sat and read her Blog from the beginning... I was so impressed not only was she very candid about what she was going through she got was amazing support from her readers... I decided to start blogging b/c I wanted to start to document our journey and if someone happened to read it great if ot no problem too if they did read maybe I would get some support because I was not getting it from the people in my real life.

It felt weird at first talking about my treatment, my feelings and my days with complete strangers, but soon it became my therapy. I allowed myself to be very vulnerable in my writing and allowed these strangers to read, now I have never leaked my Blog to anyone in my real life b/c this was MY place, not even DH has read it, but he knows about it.

After a while I was getting so much support from my readers and I felt some HOPE. I started reading other peoples blog and felt connected to them. And wanted to cheer them on. I have prayed for most of my constant readers and I know they have prayed for me. I have cried tears of joy at posts who have gotten BFPs and cried tears of anger at the BFNs. On some level I feel like I KNOW these ladies personally... I mean how could you not they are spilling their life to us.

Many have become my friends and I will continue to support them all the way through parenthood.

Blogging helps me feel connected to the IF community b/c in my real life I do not get to talk about IF out loud (christy we NEED to get together).

I Blog b/c it has helped me in so many ways and have created a huge support system for me during a time I felt nothing but hopelessness.

So there it is, why I BLOG... WHY DO YOU?

Weekend...

We had a busy weekend, three birthday parties within two days... Crazy.

My BFF was decorating for her son's birthday party and broke her foot from standing on a bar stool, did I mention she is like 20 weeks pregnant! Baby is good but now she may need surgery after the baby is born.

I was determined to not give Camryn a bottle all weekend, b/c I want to BF as much as possible mainly b/c I wanted to prove to myself that I could BF in all situations, and since we would be gone most of Friday and Saturday I decided it was a perfect chance. I did great even at one point i was sitting alone on the bottom deck of my SIL house and a bunch of her friends asked if they could join me, no problem, I just kept BFing and it did not seem to bother them at all.

now I am going to the zoo with the ILs without DH tomorrow hoping BFng will go well there too.

overwhelmed...

Now this is going to turn into a whinny post bear with me...

Everyone knows I do ebay, I love it and wish I could do it full time. My ebay income is totally makes up for whatever money we need that is NOT in our budget, like stuff for the kids, when cars need inspected and vacations. I was hoping to use my ebay income to pay down some debt this year since last year almost all my ebay for at least half the year went toward fertility treatment.

Well I went back to work last week and we work on grants, I drive alot for my job and we reimbursed through my work. for mileage and wear and tear on my car, which is great b/c I drive SUV. Now my mileage money is worked into my monthly budget, it is usually the same amount every month b/c I drive to the same places every month.

So to get to the point, I have not gotten a check in a while b/c I was on maternity leave, which is fine b/c I had ebay money... I get back to work last week and learned that not only I have to still do my job and drive as normally but they will not be reimbursing mileage checks until further notice... Why you ask... B/c we work in education and our great state has not set a budget yet. Which means all educational services including school districts have not gotten their money yet for the 2009 / 2010 school years. I am grateful they are not laying people off just yet, but it might happen until this gets straightened out. People are worried and so am I.

But since I have not gotten the money I need from mileage in the last few months b/c of being off I have been using ebay money, but now that I am back to work driving like crazy, I am spending money again... Need my mileage check to cover it. This will be coming out of my ebay money... So I figured out what I needed to cover myself for the next two months in order to not rely on my mileage check and it is $1000.00 I nearly passed out. OMG how are we going to do this?

Guess I have to keep reminding myself I am grateful, grateful grateful to have my job and getting my regular pay check.

NEW BLOG NAME

Would love some suggestions!

I am thinking

Parenting Vitamins
A daily dose of advice and inspiration to parents by parents.

(to see what I am talking about page down)

Camryn Faces

Big Laugh!

















Am I suppost to smile?

Big Smile!

Sticking my tongue out at you!

One more thing, I would do giveaways drawing to people who would contribute their tips.

Thoughts?

I am thinking of starting a community blog where tips from real life moms can be posted and anyone can contribute...
when I mean tips, thing that worked for you that you can not find in the baby books... like how to get rid of cradle cap or one tip that always helped me with getting my kids to sttn, was to do everything in the dark etc... I also thought I could alsp post product reveiws from mommies & advice about tttcing etc, It would cover tttc, pregnancy & parenting, mish mosh of anything baby related
I could have people email me their advice and a new tip would be posted everyday and categoried...
Would this be something you read and contribute to?

Plus I need a catchy title.

what do you do

when both girls are napping... read blogs and message boards, when I should be doing dishes and wash.

Back to the OB...

Not for what you think ... I wish

I was there today for a u/s b/c I have been spotting red for the last few weeks and they were afraid that some of the placenta was still stuck in there. Well the verdict is my uterus was empty (sad to see) and nothing in there to cause the spotting, so they chalked it up to me breastfeeding, so I left the office and went to buy new pants and when I went into the dressing room I was MORE then spotting... It went all the way through my tan pants! Needless to say I did not get new pants and now it has stopped, maybe they moved some things around in there and I started to bleed. Sorry for the TMI post... but it was frustrating... But the u/s tech did point out I have one follie!!! A little one but it is there, no we are not planning on using that follie (not that it would happen so easily) but it was kinds bitter sweet b/c last time I saw a follie it would turn into my Camryn.

today

was not so bad I missed Camryn so much and she must have missed me too b/c while BFing her this afternoon she looked up at me and smiled, like thank god you are back. My Momsaid she was good for the time I was gone. Avery of course could have cared less if I left. I told her this morning I did not want to go to work & she told me I had to b/c she wanted to go to Gamie's house. thanks avery!

DIET

I am also starting my new breastfeeding diet tomorrow. Wish me luck.

I go back tomorrow :(

I start work tomorrow and while it is not full time (and I do alot from home), I am still very sad. Camryn has only been away from me for 2 hours total at a time. The good thing is my job is super flexible in the summer and I will be able to work around nursing. But I may end up pumping anyways. Our summer schedule is totally unpredictable. I am hoping to have the entire summer off next year, but that is still int he works.

I hope I am OK with minimal tears, I did not cry the day i went back with Avery, but this time I feel different about it, maybe working so hard to get her I do not want to leave her, luckily they will be with my mother during that time and she allows me to come and go as I need. And calls me several times during the day to tell me things going on and keep me in the loop in order to let me be in control, even though I am not there.

So please send good thoughts my way that I get through my first day. I keep reminding myself work is my break, I tell my clients that all the time when they do not want to return to school after having a baby, this will be your break We all need one.

Maybe I will hit the lotto and get to stay home so maybe I should start playing the lotto.


OK one more full day with my kiddo.

6 weeks PP check up...

I had my 6 weeks PP check up today, everyone was so excited to see Camryn and told me they would have yelled at me if I did not bring her in.. SHE WAS ANGEL UNTIL WE LEFT! Dr . P (my Fav DR) got to hold her and I even went down to my RE office afterwards, (christy I talked to robin & told her I knew you!) I also talked to them about allowing me to become a support person to those getting treatment and needed someone to talk to and maybe starting a secondary IF support group. She said to send them something in writing and that it and it was a good idea, I am really hoping to work with them...

Also while outside the RE office I gave Camryn a bottle (she needed to eat ASAP according to her) I saw a Friend of ours ( not close her DH went to HS with my DH) and we got to talking and I knew why she was at the office she we talked alittle about IF and how she has been feeling about the DX and she also has secondary IF and is totally lost and confused, we talked and at the end she told me she was so glad she ran into me b/c if was the most hopeful she felt in a long time. So glad we saw each other and I could provide some support. We exchanged emails and I am hoping she uses me as some support.

I now have to work on my letter and see what happens.

On another note I did not go on birth control, they told me to use condoms for at least a year b/c they do not like their mothers to get pregnant before the year mark, let my body heal . Dh does not want more children. So I guess after the year mark we will see what happens. I do want more. But not with treatment, so if it happens it happens if not we will be OK too. I just to do want to close my child bearing time completely. Plus DH may change his mind. WINK WINK

OH and one more thing, I am having slight red spotting and have to go for a u/s next week (and we thought we were done) just to make sure there is not something weird going on inside me... she said it could be from the BFing, anyone else have this?

FACE.BOOK

Anyone want to be FACE.BOOK Friend???

Email me your ID JLB0017@aol.com

Back from the BEACH!

Lots of pictures to come, but I realized on vacation and in a swim suit how huge I really am. I mean HELLO I just had a baby but I have only lost 15 pounds of baby and nothing since birth, I still have 15 pounds to get back to prepregnancy and 10 more of fertility treatment weight to get off. Why can I not be one of those women who just drop the pregnancy weight quickly.

I am not sure HOW I will lose it yet, I am think of counting calories and exercising a little but then we have the issue of breastfeeding and keeping my supply up, which is not great to begin with (whole other issue and will be posting soon about my love hat relationship.

I would LOVE to get a treadmill for the basement to do in the AM. But DH said just walk with the girls outside until we can afford one, b/c we are strapped for cash b/c I have been out of work for 2 months, Did I tell you I return to work next week? currently I am ignoring that fact. Anyone out there breastfeed and still drop weight, I would like to know how you did it.

I met one of my readers!

When I started this blog it was intended to allow me to vent and document my journey during treatment, I allowed myself to be very vulnerable in my writing which I am not in real life, I try to come off as having it together. When I started to get comments on what I was writing I felt that people understood my struggle and I felt comforted even though I did not know these people IRL, I felt connected to them... Of course when you have a blog like this and do not share with people IRL just the Internet world, I never thought I actually even met someone who reads my blog (my blog readers probably know more about my life them most people I know IRL - sad huh), but always secretly hoped I would meet some of the people whose blogs I read.

A few weeks before I had Camryn I connected with a Christy from http://www.challengethefuture.blogspot.com/ , she commented on a post I wrote and we realized that we live in the same area! We corresponded by email and decided we would met sometime after Camryn was born...

So here we are 1 month later and totally by coincidence she called me yesterday, but did not know it was me. She works for this company that allows parents to come test new baby products, I worked with this group when Avery was a baby and she called to see if I wanted to come in today to test another product (I am sworn to secrecy what the product is ... but it was so cool) anyways, as she is talking to me and taking my information she realizes that we know each other from reading each others blogs... OMG my jaw almost hit the ground, huge coincidence.

It was like we were meant to meet during this time, we were being put together for a reason... so I met her today and she is so amazingly nice and the crazy thing is we are so similar in our struggle with Secondary Infertility and with our lives. She joked today that her DH thought I was going to start thinking she was stalking me, but I was so excited to go today not just to test the new product but just to met her! I mean what are the chances!

I really hope that begins a great friendship between us. So glad we got to met today Christy!

OH and don't be jealous but she got to met Camryn today and even got to hold my little cupcake.