AF is here...

Cycle #10 here we come, not by choice. Waiting for the RE to call me back with the next steps. IF sucks.

done

AF arrived this morning, sad but I knew she was coming. Hopfully we can get the hormons figured out this cycle. guess no beta tomorrow. maybe july will be the month I get pregnant. :(

update on me...

1. Af arrived right on time, sunday. I took it well, not like last cycle where I wanted to just punch everyone I saw. I think I knew by my progestrone test that pregnancy was not possible.

2. Spend a nice little weekend with my family at the beach, did ALOT of yard saling and consignment shopping. We hit 30 yard sale on Saturday but did not find anything too wonderful.

3. Went back to work today and a client of mine that asked me back in Sept when DH and I were planning on having more children (of course I said we are trying) and she handed on a box of answer OPKs, oh if she only knew, I thanked her and said that I could not accept this gift and she insisted and added that what would she do with them? (FYI - I work with teenage parents). I feel guilty that I brought them home. Will pay her for them next time I see her. It was ONE uncomfortable session today.

4. Realized today that not only am I behind on bills but also my listing on EBAY - got to get in the swing of things again!

5. Called RE today to let them know AF arrived and never heard back, tomorrow is CD4 and I start clomid on CD5. Hoping they call me back again tomorrow.

6. Drank caffeine today - cardinal sin in the TTC world, I have not had a Dunkin Donuts Vanilla Chai in over 7 months, needed one today. So I enjoyed and will not enjoy until my next baby is born, when ever that will be.

All Hope is gone...

I am getting a period pimple, this is what I called it. I get it before I get my period, it is starting to brew itself. Guess AF is on the way. I give up on HOPE.

When HOPE fizzles out

I had slight hope yesturday with my slight spotting. But I convinced myself it had to be from the sex. Then this morning I checked my cervix and it was high, I thought, maybe? then said there is no way I could be pregnant my progestrone was low and that makes all my hope fall apart. I hate this waiting game. I wish Sunday was here so AF would start and I can move on to my medicated cycle.

I feel like I live my life on pins and needles 24/7, am I? No I can not be? The back and forth just makes time slow down and hope start to disappear.

I do not plan on taking a HPT with me on vacation, just tampons and pads. Maybe AF will not come, but I will be prepared. Being on vacation this weekend will also help in not testing, b/c my Mom will be there, even though she knows AF is to arrive on Sunday. If it doesn't she will probably go out and buy me a test. She told my hairdresser on Monday (after the hairdresser commented that my hair was curlier then normal) that I was probably pregnant, to which I gave her the look of don't go there. Even though I truly hope I am, but probably not.

When I was pregnant with DD, I had no symptoms and convinced myself I was not pregnant. When I took the test I felt a sense of relief and excitement. I want that feeling again.

Again this time I have no symptoms, but then again it is early I am only 11DPO. I always get cramps from O day on and I had none up until last night, when I was lying in bed and felt then start. Which again made hope fizzle out. I started feeling slight cramps today too. Also I am tired, but I always am tired so I can never count that as a symptom.

Sorry to ramble, just woke up this morning with that feeling of MAYBE - to have it quickly fizzle out when I justify why those things are happening or not happening.

I think he is in denial...

AF is due on Sunday, I am 100% sure it is coming. With my Progestrone being so low. Anyways, Dh still has not done the SA, and I am NOT reminding him. He better hurry up. I just hate that his schedule is conflicting with the LAB schedule.