Craptastic Appt...

Well alittle bit.

I was tested for ureaplasma, b/c I had it in 2004, so they did a culture just in case. Cyst is tiny as tiny can be and I only had 1 mature follie and one that is sort of mature. I was to say the least disappointed. Where did the other one go? Out the window just like my hopes and dreams.

The nurse told me they are glad with the progress of the one lonely follie, it measured 19mm. I on the other hand as not pleased, I guess I my mind more then one gives me a higher chance of one sticking. I cried in the car afterwards... We are trigging tonight, CD11 so I will O on CD13 (earliest ever) and will go back Monday for b/w to see if I need the HCG, but I will ask to take it regardless (I need all the push I can get) and start my progestrone supplements on Friday, twice a day. Fingers crossed... The nurse did tell me that my estrogen is only at 176, it has to be between 175-200 that also did not make me feel any better, I wish it was 200, that would make me feel better.

Now I know why I was not bloated at all this cycle, I kept thinking to myself this weekend, "if I have three follies shouldn't I be more bloated" That solved that, only one decided to mature. So disppointed.
So we will see how this goes. I am hoping that after O I will feel better about the situation. But right now I just want to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

1st follie check... and cyst check :(

I had my first follie check this morning, I am only on cd7 so it is very early, but she wanted to get me in before the holiday weekend and check that cyst. Well the cyst got smaller, and they said may get smaller yet. Thank goodness - I really thought this cycle would be cancelled. I also had 3 follies, they were small but there and she expressed there maybe more my Tuesday, (THUMP) I almost feel over. I would like 4 but nothing more. My family insists I will have twins, me not so much. I know they will scale my meds back if I get too many follies. I hate that people think fertility meds = twins. Maybe I will do a list of my pet peeves eventually. I have a few - HA!

I am feeling better this morning, maybe b/c it was the good news I received in the last two days. I still do not know what I will say to my sister when I see her, but we will get through it. I do not think people realize how much this all hurts. It actually stings alot. The nurse told me she felt good things for me, everyone has been saying that. I feel like they say it just to make me feel better, but I do appericate it. I just do not want to get my hopes up, guess I have turned very guarded through this and as time progressives. I hate the ups and downs of things, I wish I was more positive, maybe I will get there. I think I am really positive after I leave the DR office, then it all falls apart within a hour. Maybe they will allow me to move into the Dr office?

I am also thinking of stopping acupuncture. It does relax me and seems to have kept my headaches at bay, but it is getting way too expensive, especially since I just paid 700.00 for meds this cycle. I think I rather go get a massage twice a month and I would still pay less. I will decide by Tuesday what my plan is. I feel badly b/c she has helped me, but it is just getting too pricy. If I get BFN this cycle and did not do the acupuncture I will feel badly, they say after 3-6 months if it does not work for you (meaning BFP) then it probably will not, I am on month 6 now with her. I am so confused.

How does everyone else stay positiive?

I am NOT a morning person...

why is it that follie checks at my DRs office are always at 7:30 in the morning? Don't they know I am NOT a morning person. But getting up to go get my b/w and u/s is easier when I am a planner and need to know what is going on with my body. But still I drag myself out of bed as it is, when I stick DD in the car with her pajamas on with her yelling at me, NO MOMMY I WANT TO SLEEP (I guess I rubbed off on her with the morning stuff). I am willing to get out of bed for a follie check b/c I need ot know what is happneing. But for some reason this monring it was harder then normal.

Well, this cycle we only have 1 follie (in the last two cycle we have had 2 follies) it was a big one, so maybe I will O 1 day earlier then normal, so at least GOD was listening a little about me wanting to O earlier then normal. I trigger tonight and then the sex fest will begin. I will be honest I was a little disappointed in only having one follie b/c that means less targets but the nurse said before I left, maybe that follie is my lucky one.

My DAY...

MY day started off with a date with the vajayjay cam. Since I only have one ovary there was only one place to look for follies, it took me a few times for this to sink for the tech - she kept looking for my left ovary even after I told her. I have two follies, one 12mm and one 16 mm, being that it CD 12 they felt it they should be larger. So they think I will not O on time, but at my normal range, at CD 16, I usually O on CD 18 without meds. So at this point I felt that Clomid did not do the job of making me O on time. Anyways, I have to go back for another u/s tomorrow, to see if they grew at all. After this happened all my HOPE went out the window. I could feel the tears welling up as I thought about it. Also I am triggering on Saturday. Which scares the crap out fo me. My sister has to give it to me, b/c DH would never be able to handle it and my Mom is going away. So she is my only option, so now she knows about our IF. If she chickens out I will have to call my friend who is a nurse and drive 30 mintues to have her give it to me. Praying my follies grow a little more so they do not release on the small side. Maybe that is my problem.

I also had acupuncture today and she and I got talking about my frustrations with TTC and she told me to put it our to the universe that we will be pregnant this cycle. Boy am I praying for that!