One year ago today...

One year ago today I had a scare... I missed my period. Now being that I was on Birth Control and had a hard time getting pregnant with my DD I thought nothing of it, until I was 5 days late then panick set in. Dh and I had decided that we would wait until MAY 2008 to start trying for #2 mostly b/c of money and also because of him finishing school. But there I was 5 days late, of course I told DH and he laughed it off like it did not matter if I was or not, but I was panicking. I let myself go 1 week with my missed period and then off to Target we went to buy a test. I remember getting DD into the shopping cart and pushing her through the parking lot thinking how the heck am I going to do this with 2 kids, I was excited (I really thought I was pregnant) and nervous, so nervous I was sick to my stomach. We buy a test a few other items and headed home. Two kids under 2, I could do this. I took the test and of course it was negative, I cried and cried because for some reason I really wanted this phantom baby, needless to say my AF came within the next hour. Ever since that day I wanted to start trying, but of course DH wanted to wait b/c it was not a good time to start. Which I did agreed.

In the beginning of September I missed my period again. Again I thought I am pregnant and was so excited. But after a ton of pregnancy tests and 2 months without a period nope not pregnant. Took provera to get my AF started and it did not come until 2 weeks later, DR did tell me I was Oing at one visit but she wanted me to wait until next cycle to try (I did not listen I went home to BD anyways OOPS). During this time I had a long heart to heart with my DR who said my body is starting to tell me it is time to start trying again. Of course I agreed I would have started in June if it was not for DH, so I went home talked with Dh and he said lets do it. He told me You will not get pregnant right away anyways (thanks DH) and if you do we will deal.

Do here we are, still not pregnant but for the last year my body and mind have ached for a baby. Will it ever happen?