Confession #1

I have 2 confessions... but today i will only share one... then maybe tomorrow I will share the other..

CONFESSION #1

I wish I could be a Stay At Home Mom. This is almost impossible b/c I hold the health insurance and half the income. As most Americans we also have debt, not just mortgage car debt but school loans / credit card / etc debt. This would never be possible. EVER. Unless I pay off everything and have no car payments. But a girl can wish right... Someday I feel like I could just stay home and be with my girls, then I remember how great my job is so at least I am blessed with great co-workers and great work so I start to feel better about never being able to be a STAY AT HOME MOM. Plus I try to remind myself when theya re both in school full time what the heck would I do... sit at home.

But I still wish I had the option of being a STAY AT HOME MOM...

Shhhh do not tell my DH I am still thinking about this, he thinks I have gotten over it a while ago.

bit of advertising...

I have been going through all of Avery's old baby clothes, to see what I can use for the baby. I do not have much I can use b/c the seasons are different. So I kept what I CAN use and listed the rest in my ebay store in LOTS.

So if you or anyone you know is interested in baby girl clothes size 3-12 months spring summer check out www.littleladybugscloset.com

My baby girl will thank you b/c at this point it looks like she will be naked all summer.

Plus I rather the clothes go to a good home and I know my readers will appericate the clothes, I do have them priced but do take best offers.

Thanks for letting me advertise so I can clothe my new babe.

update...

better pics today but not great, she had her hands up by her face and my placents is buried in her face too... we got a few good shots, (better then before) but not great. Will post later, I am soooo tired from my long day.

ONE MORE TRY

I am having my second u.s tomorrow for the 3D, praying she cooperates this time. Please baby give us good shots.

In other news... Can I ask why other pregnant people have to complain so much. I do not feel I have complained much, except to DH. I guess some people think being pregnant gives them free range to be bitchy and the center of attention for people to pity them. Can you tell I am surround by pregnant girls all day and night? I just do not get it b/c of of these people wanted to be pregnant, I wanted to have more babies, I wanted to be pregnant. I try my best to enjoy every moment and cherish it no matter how uncomfortable I am or crappy I feel. Because I know there are some out there would want to give birth to healthy babies and may never experience that or just want to know the joy of being pregnant. I know there are times I just want to temporarily take off my belly to get some relief especially since she is so low causing me pain, but I want her so much more I want to deal with anything that comes my way.

Sorry for the soapbox, guess I am testy lately, I hate hearing people complain about their pregnancies, b/c you want to have a baby so deal with it, you are so blessed and do not realize it.

And you thought you were having a bad day...

Today was NOT a good day...

First thing this morning I realized I was out of GAS so I stopped to get some and my card got denied, so I call my bank to see the balance, I had .14 cents, How the heck did this happen! Well apparently I spend to much money this weekend at the beach and DH did some food shopping while I was gone and never told me... Thanks goodness I had a check in my purse that I was holding onto so I put that in the bank and DH gets paid tomorrow so that will be there, but I guess everything I paid last week cleared quickly and being away I was just NOT watching the bank account, but still where the heck does all this money go... I feel like I never spend, but maybe I did just alittle this weekend...

Second after that crisis was over, I called my insurance company to check on the status of my claim, this claim I sent in in November for the IF cycle that I got pregnant on, they said some of my meds were not covered and I paid of of pocket only to find out once I got pregnant that those meds were indeed covered, so in Nov I gather everything I needed and sent in my claim, Dec came and they denied me saying I was missing the daily dosage, so my Dr writes a letter, 3 months later they finally get back to me (they claim they sent back my claim last week - I have yet to receive it) now they denied me again for not knowing the daily dosage of the meds, I explained to the man then a lady (his supervisor b/c I think he was weirded out that I explained my cycle to him) That during fertility treatment you get all your meds and do not know the dosage until the RE calls to tell you your levels for the day and tells you what to take, different meds for different parts of your cycle, there is no predicting it... Well after 1 hour trying to explain this to her and explain this is why my doctor wrote a letter I GOT PISSED!!!!! She probably hates me but I threw out a few words like suing and representation on my behalf, and such. She told me to resubmit after I get my papers back, I plan on writing a LONGGGGGGGGG letter and getting a patient advocate, I should have that money back... I need to for the baby.

After that debacle I thought my day would get better but no... Today was cleaning lady day... All I could think of when I arrived in my driveway was I will be walking into a clean house Hooray!

I left the dog downstairs in my office b/c she does not do well along with strangers well I returned to blood everywhere, on my door on the carpet and the seam of the carpet ripped up at the door, she was so upset or trying to see who was in the house... that she went nuts, she had a scape on her paw from digging, which caused all the blood, so now I have to clean that up... It looks like she murdered someone... We will also have to figure out what to do with her next time the cleaning lady is here, unfortunately she is here on a day in which I can not get out of working in the AM... Do you know what it is like to be pissed and so sad all at once, I felt bad for my little PITA but was so mad at her too.

Then DH gets the call from his second job that he did not have to work tonight, I was going to make left overs for DD and I and he could find something later, when he got the call I was so excited b/c he would be home to eat with us and I could get some things done around the house... well he is also on call for his primary job this week, well right before dinner he got called out on a job. So there goes my night...

So here I am trying to get out of this bad day... also the little baby has not moved much today thank heavens for dopplers so I would be freaking out, I may call if she does not start up by tomorrow... she was probably feeling all my anxiety today and decided to lay low.

Here's to a better day tomorrow!

Dr appt recap...

I had a Dr appt on Monday, all was well, exact when I was telling her about the pelvic pain I was feeling throughout the day and my mild warm up contractions. She decided to check me just in case, well she went in made this face you do not want to see and said she could not find by cervix. WHAT!?!?

I kinda panicked, but told her I was fine, she sent me off to the u/s room to see if they could get a better look, well as it turns out the baby is way down low... super low. I could see her tiny little head (which did not look so tiny on screen) up against my cervix and it was adding so much pressure to it that my cervix decided to get out of the way and curve off to the right, no wonder it was no where to be seen. I was not dilated and my cervix was not shortening, so that was good, but now we know where all my pain is coming from, her head. Now I would rather her be head, I was having nightmares I may need a c-section (Dh has express as he did with Avery - if I get a c/s he is not sure he can be there - he has anxiety over hospitals)so I was hoping she will stay head down, and I am glad she is not totally in my ribs b/c I am asthmatic and last time I had several attacks b/c Avery was in my ribs.

So there is have it baby is nice and snuggled while mommy is having some weird pelivc pain that makes me thinking I did something wrong to my lady area.

Fun time! But so grateful she is healthy and staying put for a little while longer, b/c the PA kept asking me questions about my schedule I think she was preparing to put me on bedrest, but I assured her I was fine, no lifting or exerting to much.

We are going to the Beach one last time before the baby comes this weekend. See you guys next week.

Paint in almost done....

We painted yesturday, we got the walls done and now today we just have to do the trim. Hooray!

I was told my Sherman Williams that we would need two gallons of paint for the room if we wanted to do two coats, Guess what we did two coats all the cutting out everything and we only used 3/4 of a can, so now I wasted $40.00 and have a whole other paint can, I was mad, b/c my Aunt otld them she thought we only needed one, but they insisted. Now I am stuck with it. I am thinking of selling it on Craig's list, anyone out there want to come pick up a brand new can of purple???

Once again we are uncooperative...

We had our 3D u/s tonight, we went to dinner with my parents who went along and when we got there, my sweet little girl buried her face in my hip and we could not get any pictures. She was head down then decided to lay sideways, so at least she was not head up. The lady kept reassurng me that she still has time to go head down.

So we got a few somewhat good shots of her face but nothing exciting, I felt bad b/c I dragged my family down there and it did not work out as I hoped. The one good thing is we are allowed to come back for FREE to get a follow up the lady insisted we have to get GOOD pictures. MY DH will not be able to go with again, but my Mom will go and we plan on asking my Aunt. I can not believe she was so quiet, we had just eaten I drank some juice and she slept like a baby (of course) nice and comfy tucked with her head in my hip, now I know why I have hip pain.

Here's to next time!

We are on our way

I cleaned out the entire 3rd bedroom on Sunday. It was a huge task to do by myself. I listed two piece of furniture on Craig's list a pink rocking chair I can not use in the baby's room (no space) and a IKEA wardrobe. I got immediate response, I mean within 10 mintues of listing it of people who were interested, It was kinds overwhelming b/c who do you pick. A guy is purchasing it and picking it up on Sunday. Saturday we are painting the baby's room, well not me just my Aunt. Tomorrow my DH is priming the one red wall and my Aunt and I are going to pick up the actual paint and Saturday we will have the start of a baby room I am so relived this is finally happening, it makes me feel like I am doing something for real.

I will post befre and after picks when the room is done.

I also have my 3D u/s on Friday and am so excited to see out little girl, Praying she is head down (that is entire different post in itself)

I had my Glucose test on Monday and waiting on my results, please let it OK, I need my sweets!

Today is my Birthday...

My 30th Birthday... Weird but I do not feel any different, everyone is making a fuss like I am suppost to break down in tears so something... but it actually feels like any other day. I wanted to be with baby by my 30th then once treatment started I just wanted to be pregnant by my 30th birthday... so I got my wish.

I took Avery to a Big Sister class today at the hospital, she got to learned all about what a baby does and things she can do to help and they stressed alot how special she is for becoming a big sister, they took the kids pictures and wrote on the frame "I am a BIG sister" and she got to color on a diaper for the baby to wear on the way home. Which I thought was adorable. She is so excited she carried her baby around all day afterwards saying that her baby already came out of her tummy and we are just waiting for her sister to come out to.

Then we shopped at Target and Babies R US (well more browsed at BRU) because I am not buying anything until the room is set up... took a nap and now we are getting ready to go to dinner with DH. I relaxed almost all day, wish everyday could be a relaxing day... no chance.

Tomorrow we are officially starting to clean out the 3rd bedroom to get it ready for her, which is exciting... Painting next weekend, which I wish I could help my Aunt with b/c I actually like to paint with other people just not alone. But they will not let me.

Oh did I mention it is almost 70 degrees here! Which actually makes me motivated to do stuff, but also makes me realize this is what it will be like out when the baby arrives. WOW!

It is OPEN!

My friend who found out her only tube was closed a few weeks ago, had a procedure done like the HSG and they were able to open her tube! So excited for her!

MY BASEMENT IT DONE!

We did the storage room, office bathroom and rec room in the last week and a half. I went through every box, drawer, shelf, closet and got rid of and organized like crazy! Now on to the upstairs space. The biggest part of the job where the bedrooms and bathrooms and kitchen are... hopefully they go fast. I am one step closer to getting ready for this baby and it feels good. Maybe we are making progress, b/c I cried last night on the way to get myself a sundae b/c I was so depressed yesterday. I felt like I have not given this baby as much attention as I did when I was pregnant with DD, I mean she is NOT going to get all new things (most will be hand me downs) and there will not be a celebration for her (a shower)and I just feel like I need to do something BIG to let her know she is sooo wanted, I know once I start working on the nursery and putting out baby things I will feel like I am doing something for her, besides keeping her safe and warm.

Everything else in the house needs to be done before I can start her room, so maybe just maybe we are making progress... the snow day helped alot today.

On another note I have been having this pain down below in my pelvic bone, like I have been riding a horse for days, it is the weirdest thing, maybe it is my body's way to telling me I am doing too much or maybe it is because she is laying so LOW in my pelvis... but it cuases me to waddle and I hate when I waddle, b/c people start telling me I must be due any day. HMMMM no! Got me but I must keep moving.