Just had to share this story from the other day.
I was in the bedroom (we have a ranch house) and my DD was in the living room, watching TV so I thought. It was the day after Easter. So I am folding wash and she comes running back to me and wants a kiss "Kiss MAMA Kiss" so I lend down to give her a smooch when I realize her lips are all brown. I ask her what is on your face, in her two year old voice she says "no" and shakes her head. I ask her " did you eat chocolate without permission?" holding back the giggles. She shakes head again and says "no". I then ask her where she got the chocolate because it is clearly chocolate on her face. In the most excited voice she replies" in the egg" and gives me a great big smile. So I think she came back to get a kiss from me b/c she felt guilty, what do you think?
What a sweety.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Money meltdown...
About once a week to every two weeks (when I pay bills) I go through what I call a money meltdown. Well today I was cleaning out my purse, like I usually do when I get ready to pay bills and get all the receipts into the checkbook then I start to have a MONEY MELTDOWN. I realize we do not have any money! Then I start to panick and call DH and accuse him of taking out more money from the ATM then he should have, I start to think of all the items I have to list on ebay. I was slight nervous when I started cleaning out my purse today, but it really hit me when I had to run errands and buy dog food (25.00), my prescription (18.00), tried to make an appointment for acupuncture she is calling me back (80.00 1st visit), gas (40.00) printer ink (25.00), and food (46.00). This is where my money goes. I hate it. I guess I should get my butt in gear and start listing on ebay so I can pay my bills next month. Oh the cycle.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Found this thought it was so true and many girls I know can relate...
What Nobody Told Me About Trying to Conceive -
That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy. (duh!) -
That my sex life would start to resemble a science experiment. -
That the longer I try to conceive, the more pregnant women spring up around me. -
That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person. -
That one day I wouldn't mind checking my cervical fluid or cervix position to see if it is my fertile period. (no more) -
That I should have gone to medical school like my mom wanted, because I've had to do so much medical research up to now just to figure out what was wrong with me, and now I might as well be an M.D. -
That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to. -
That living my life in 2 week increments would be the normal thing to do. -
That I never knew how much I wanted to see those 2 pink lines...until only one shows up every month. -
That simply relaxing will NOT get me pregnant.
The husband has to do some work too! (don't you hate it when people tell you that!?) -
That I have no control over some of the goals I set... -
That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at my BBT chart doesn't make it change! -
That one day my husband would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks like from the inside. -
That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby. -
That miscarriage is so common. -
That I would wish we had started trying to conceive earlier. -
That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy. -
That it wouldn't happen the first time I didn't use birth control like I was led to believe in school. That I wouldn't know how important a baby was to me until it took so long, and I realized what I was willing to go through to make it happen. -
That family would act like getting pregnant was a competition between all the young couples in the family, and the first one to get pregnant "wins". -
That my husband is the most wonderful and caring man! -
That it is insensitive to ask people when they are going to try having a baby! They might be trying and having difficulties just like me! -
That women who do get pregnant are so very blessed! -
That I could have been rich by saving the money I spent on condoms/birth control pills, which were obviously unnecessary. -
That I would be happy to see abundant cervical fluid and tell my husband about it. -
That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico. That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my mansion on St. Pete's Beach in Florida by now.
That having my period show up would make me cry, no matter whose bathroom I was in.
That it does not get easier ... each cycle is harder than the last.
That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.
That a group of "strangers" who I will probably never meet, have now become my "best friends" when it comes to trying to conceive.
That I would splash urine on my face while taking apart an home pregnancy test in the hopes that there really was a 2nd pink line hiding in it.
That talking about sex with fellow women who are trying to conceive would be so easy.
That one day all of this will make me stronger. (it already has, hasn't it?)
That I would have NO TOLERANCE for pregnant women's complaints about morning sickness, weight gain, etc...
That no one I know would have any understanding as to how I feel.
That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.
That infertility is not as rare as I was led to believe.
That I am very bitter towards unmarried accidental pregnancies, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pregnancies.
That someone I thought to be my best friend would hurt me by saying that she was sick of hearing about my efforts at trying to conceive.
That some people just say the wrong things.
That I would be so sad and ashamed.
That when my period shows up I would feel broken and dysfunctional.
That my friendship with my real life girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks.
That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things I will ever have to go through.
That I HAVE to have sex even though I don't feel like it, but because my fertility monitor says HIGH or PEAK.
That people would pity me and feel sorry for me.
That I would meet such a wonderful group of people online, that I can share my sorrow, frustration and fears with.
That I would feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to".
That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so badly.
That unprotected sex doesn't necessarily lead to pregnancy. (duh!) -
That my sex life would start to resemble a science experiment. -
That the longer I try to conceive, the more pregnant women spring up around me. -
That deep down inside, I can be a very jealous person. -
That one day I wouldn't mind checking my cervical fluid or cervix position to see if it is my fertile period. (no more) -
That I should have gone to medical school like my mom wanted, because I've had to do so much medical research up to now just to figure out what was wrong with me, and now I might as well be an M.D. -
That I would know more about the female reproductive system and menstrual cycle than most of the doctors I go to. -
That living my life in 2 week increments would be the normal thing to do. -
That I never knew how much I wanted to see those 2 pink lines...until only one shows up every month. -
That simply relaxing will NOT get me pregnant.
The husband has to do some work too! (don't you hate it when people tell you that!?) -
That I have no control over some of the goals I set... -
That wishing really hard for something doesn't make it happen, and staring at my BBT chart doesn't make it change! -
That one day my husband would know so much about how my uterus functions and what it looks like from the inside. -
That a pregnancy doesn't always equal a baby. -
That miscarriage is so common. -
That I would wish we had started trying to conceive earlier. -
That my friends' pregnancies would start to make me sad instead of happy. -
That it wouldn't happen the first time I didn't use birth control like I was led to believe in school. That I wouldn't know how important a baby was to me until it took so long, and I realized what I was willing to go through to make it happen. -
That family would act like getting pregnant was a competition between all the young couples in the family, and the first one to get pregnant "wins". -
That my husband is the most wonderful and caring man! -
That it is insensitive to ask people when they are going to try having a baby! They might be trying and having difficulties just like me! -
That women who do get pregnant are so very blessed! -
That I could have been rich by saving the money I spent on condoms/birth control pills, which were obviously unnecessary. -
That I would be happy to see abundant cervical fluid and tell my husband about it. -
That other people's "good news" of pregnancy makes me sad and when they tell me they have good news, I hope that they just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico. That had I bought stock in Clearblue Easy I'd have my mansion on St. Pete's Beach in Florida by now.
That having my period show up would make me cry, no matter whose bathroom I was in.
That it does not get easier ... each cycle is harder than the last.
That I wouldn't want to hold or see someone's baby because it just hurts way too much.
That a group of "strangers" who I will probably never meet, have now become my "best friends" when it comes to trying to conceive.
That I would splash urine on my face while taking apart an home pregnancy test in the hopes that there really was a 2nd pink line hiding in it.
That talking about sex with fellow women who are trying to conceive would be so easy.
That one day all of this will make me stronger. (it already has, hasn't it?)
That I would have NO TOLERANCE for pregnant women's complaints about morning sickness, weight gain, etc...
That no one I know would have any understanding as to how I feel.
That my temper and patience are much shorter than I ever thought.
That infertility is not as rare as I was led to believe.
That I am very bitter towards unmarried accidental pregnancies, and slightly bitter towards married accidental pregnancies.
That someone I thought to be my best friend would hurt me by saying that she was sick of hearing about my efforts at trying to conceive.
That some people just say the wrong things.
That I would be so sad and ashamed.
That when my period shows up I would feel broken and dysfunctional.
That my friendship with my real life girlfriends would suffer because they got pregnant after being off the pill for 3 weeks.
That this would be, by far, one of the hardest things I will ever have to go through.
That I HAVE to have sex even though I don't feel like it, but because my fertility monitor says HIGH or PEAK.
That people would pity me and feel sorry for me.
That I would meet such a wonderful group of people online, that I can share my sorrow, frustration and fears with.
That I would feel stupid and naive for thinking a pregnancy would occur "when it was supposed to".
That answering questions (and usually lying) about pregnancy or family plans would hurt so badly.
Well onto cycle #6
I knew it was coming, just knew it. But I guess up until AF arrived I was in denial. Well she is here and I hate her. We will be starting clomid next cycle and I also plan on going for acupuncture. I do not want to out to put too much pressure on this cycle but I feel I just might do that. I have high hopes this cycle that this combo will work. However on the other hand if it does not work out I know I will be really disappointed and I do not want to got through that. I guess being positive is better then negative. Hope cycle #6 is our cycle. If it is we will be due around DD's Birthday Dec 30th!
Friday, March 28, 2008
BFN
Meaning BIG FAT NEGATIVE! That is what got this morning. Guess we are moving onto next cycle with clomid and acupuncture. Hope cycle #6 is our cycle.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
CRAMPS have started...
I am 12DPO and they have offically started, guess my period will be here tomorrow. So much for holding out HOPE.
Can I ever get ahead??
This is a reoccurring thing with me, I have way too much on my plate. Yes I am one of those people who need something going on at all time. I hate down time but as much as I hate it I always wish I had it. Since Easter is over I thought now I can get ahead on some of my things to do. Well no. Yesterday I listed on ebay for over 5 hours after work. I did get 70 things listed which is great because the end of the month is coming up and I need to keep my Powerseller Status. Now my house is a mess, as usual. So instead of coming home from work today and straighting the house I took a nap with Avery. I needed it and we slept until 6pm, when my husband woke us up. I could have slept longer. So now I am even more behind. I was going to go inventory shopping this weekend for ebay but I think I may stay home and try to get ahead, or maybe not.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I HATE SCHOOL
I will be saying this ALOT, I mean ALOT. Every time I go to class I think to myself why am I here again. WHY???? Because I want to have more time off in my job, and maybe a little more money. I LOVE my job and being able to possibility have more time off once I get my MASTERS DEGREE is appealing, but I hate doing all the work. Take tonight, I sat in class so confused, freezing and I could not concentrate. I had too much going on in my head.
I sometimes wonder once I do get pregnant am I going to still be able to handle school? As much as I want my Masters Degree, I also rather be home and building my ebay business and playing with my daughter.
It doe snot help that i have to redo two projects, b/c the teacher is wishy washy with what she expects, I am not the only one who says this.
I need to get out of this runt with school and start to enjoy it... Any ideas how I can do that?
I sometimes wonder once I do get pregnant am I going to still be able to handle school? As much as I want my Masters Degree, I also rather be home and building my ebay business and playing with my daughter.
It doe snot help that i have to redo two projects, b/c the teacher is wishy washy with what she expects, I am not the only one who says this.
I need to get out of this runt with school and start to enjoy it... Any ideas how I can do that?
So Sad
A girl on the nest lost her twins at 23 weeks, I am so heartbroken for her. I can not understand how this happens especially at 23 weeks. One is so excited when they finally conceive afer battling IF, but to lose the baby(ies) so late in the pregnancy just makes me so sad. As you can see I do not have to words to understand this. I pray for her family and hope she takes time to heal.
Monday, March 24, 2008
CRAZY Day..
I had off from work today. I was also very busy today. I went to the gym, went to Target to see what Easter stuff they had a 50% (it was better last year), got my hair done (Abby did a great job of course too bad it will not look like this tomorrow), straightened the house (still is a never ending mess), finished my Case Notes for work (I know it was my day off, had to get it done) and I been listing EBAY items like a crazy women (because I need to sell 100 item by 3/31 not to lose Power Seller status). Wheww. Plus my back hurts from sitting in front of the computer.
Since I have been so busy I and not sleepy, but will probably crash eventually like usual.
My chart looks good today. Hoping it keep going up, but I am not too hopeful. Too much let down I guess.
Well off to bed. Hoping I get alot done tomorrow.
Since I have been so busy I and not sleepy, but will probably crash eventually like usual.
My chart looks good today. Hoping it keep going up, but I am not too hopeful. Too much let down I guess.
Well off to bed. Hoping I get alot done tomorrow.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
HAPPY EASTER!!!
Hope the EASTER BUNNY brings you tons of CANDY! AT Least that is what my daughter would like. Off to church and then we will have 17 people here for dinner. Crossing fingers it goes well!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Still up
I know I know I am only 7DPO and by chart is looking triphatic. Hope it stays this way. I would feel better, but maybe not last time this happened I got BFN (BIG FAT NEGATIVE)
Off to clean my house, I am hating today. Wish I had a cleaning lady.
Off to clean my house, I am hating today. Wish I had a cleaning lady.
Friday, March 21, 2008
HOPING
Hoping my temps stays up tomorrow, maybe I will get a triphatic chart for once. But that does not mean I will be pregnant but it will give me some HOPE!
LONG DAY TOMORROW
I am having both sides of the family over for EASTER. So tomorrow is Spring Cleaning day and I have ALOT to do, I am not looking forward to it. I will probably complain all day long.
I also ahve to get more listed on ebay or I will lose my Powerseller status. I need to sell 100 items by March 31st. Do you think I can do it?
So much to do so little time.
I also ahve to get more listed on ebay or I will lose my Powerseller status. I need to sell 100 items by March 31st. Do you think I can do it?
So much to do so little time.
Easter Bunny story
It is not an exciting story, just that we went to see the Easter Bunny today. I had Avery all ready to see him, then he went to lunch. She was heartbroken and I was not about to wait another hour until he came back. But my guilt set in and we waited. We threw pennies in the fountain, looked at all the animals at the pet shop, awwwed at all the Disney Princess stuff at the disney store and ate soft pretzels, then got back in line. As we approached the Easter Bunny she clung to me, which surprised me b/c she was willing to sit on Santa's lap. Now I am home again and have to hurry up and get the house really for Easter, having 20 people here that day. Things a Mom will do for their child.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Sense of relief
DR appt went well today, waited forever and then we had a fire drill. Who knew fire drills happen at the DR's office.
Well, here is what happened. At first she was reluctant to start me on clomid, for several reasons. I am Oing on my own, my Ovary looks very healthy and the cyst I have she believes is going to go away on it's own, looks like a working cyst. Whewwww.
However when she finally got my test results my progesterone was low, she said 9 was low in her book. So after her telling me to relax and keep doing what I am doing that clomid is not a good drug for me b/c I am Oing and it will increase my chances of multiples, she changed her mind... It went something like this.
Oh your level is a 9, which is not good so onto Clomid, this will be so great for you!
I laughed, you got to know my DR she has been through so much with me, when I had a tumor on my ovary she is the one who found and it. She cried when I told her I was pregnant with my Daughter and always checks up on me when I am having problems.
She only wants me to do one round with bloodwork no ultrasounds. Which some ladies on the message board say is not a good idea, but I totally trust my DR.
I am suppost to take the cycle off after clomid if I do not get pregnant then will try again. She does not want to do back to back clomid cycles, b/c I only have one ovary.
And the good news is My husband does not have to get his S/A, she said since we have conceived in the last year if you are not pregnant by the 1 year mark then she might change her mind. My Husband was so proud of himself, saying I know my boys are working.
So onto CLOMID next cycle! Scared and excited.
Now all I need is this cycle to go by fast or give me my BFP (big fat positive)
Oh and if I do get pregnant the first cycle on clomid I will be due around my Daughters birthday! Dec 31st!
Well, here is what happened. At first she was reluctant to start me on clomid, for several reasons. I am Oing on my own, my Ovary looks very healthy and the cyst I have she believes is going to go away on it's own, looks like a working cyst. Whewwww.
However when she finally got my test results my progesterone was low, she said 9 was low in her book. So after her telling me to relax and keep doing what I am doing that clomid is not a good drug for me b/c I am Oing and it will increase my chances of multiples, she changed her mind... It went something like this.
Oh your level is a 9, which is not good so onto Clomid, this will be so great for you!
I laughed, you got to know my DR she has been through so much with me, when I had a tumor on my ovary she is the one who found and it. She cried when I told her I was pregnant with my Daughter and always checks up on me when I am having problems.
She only wants me to do one round with bloodwork no ultrasounds. Which some ladies on the message board say is not a good idea, but I totally trust my DR.
I am suppost to take the cycle off after clomid if I do not get pregnant then will try again. She does not want to do back to back clomid cycles, b/c I only have one ovary.
And the good news is My husband does not have to get his S/A, she said since we have conceived in the last year if you are not pregnant by the 1 year mark then she might change her mind. My Husband was so proud of himself, saying I know my boys are working.
So onto CLOMID next cycle! Scared and excited.
Now all I need is this cycle to go by fast or give me my BFP (big fat positive)
Oh and if I do get pregnant the first cycle on clomid I will be due around my Daughters birthday! Dec 31st!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Now I am nervous...
I went to have bloodwork done this morning. I am getting a whole bunch of tests run because my husband and I have been trying to have a baby and it is not going well. I found out shortly after Valentine's Day that I had a cyst on my ovary. That is not good considering I only have ONE ovary and my cysts are huge and start to eat their way into my ovary, gross I know.
I usually take Birth Control to control them, but when your trying to have a baby BCP are not a good idea, DUH.
So after I got my Bloodwook done I left the office and a overwhelming sense of butterflies in my stomach perked up. I have tried not to think about the bad things that could be found with this test but I guess I have been trying to be positive (my Mom would be so proud)!
Here are things that could be wrong...
1. I still have my cyst (which last time they checked was shrunking) but I still feel a little bit of the pinching there. If it is still there we would not be able to move onto medication.
2. Dh's (husband) sperm analysis could come back badly, not a good thing.
3. She could recommend other options besides medication (not good b/c our insurance does not cover infertility treatments)
Here are things that could go right...
1. Cyst is gone (jumping for joy)
2. She start me on medication next cycle and I get pregnant first try b/c I already Ovulate on my own it would just make it stronger.
3. I am already pregnant, I am 4 Days past O and that would be amazing and save us so much money!
I know I think too much, I am just hoping tomorrow goes well and we can get pregnant soon. I would be devastated if I can not have another one. I love my Daughter so much but so want to give her a sibling. Plus I loved pregnant and babyhood. It is a wonderful time in life.
Will be up all night praying.
I usually take Birth Control to control them, but when your trying to have a baby BCP are not a good idea, DUH.
So after I got my Bloodwook done I left the office and a overwhelming sense of butterflies in my stomach perked up. I have tried not to think about the bad things that could be found with this test but I guess I have been trying to be positive (my Mom would be so proud)!
Here are things that could be wrong...
1. I still have my cyst (which last time they checked was shrunking) but I still feel a little bit of the pinching there. If it is still there we would not be able to move onto medication.
2. Dh's (husband) sperm analysis could come back badly, not a good thing.
3. She could recommend other options besides medication (not good b/c our insurance does not cover infertility treatments)
Here are things that could go right...
1. Cyst is gone (jumping for joy)
2. She start me on medication next cycle and I get pregnant first try b/c I already Ovulate on my own it would just make it stronger.
3. I am already pregnant, I am 4 Days past O and that would be amazing and save us so much money!
I know I think too much, I am just hoping tomorrow goes well and we can get pregnant soon. I would be devastated if I can not have another one. I love my Daughter so much but so want to give her a sibling. Plus I loved pregnant and babyhood. It is a wonderful time in life.
Will be up all night praying.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Praying...
Sometimes you Pray for people but most of the time I pray for myself. Don't know why but usually this happens in the shower in the morning. But since I discovered the THOUGHT OF MAYDAY GIRL Blog I have been praying for Rachel. I love reading her blog everyday and hearing about her adventures in trying to get pregnant or as some would say TTC. She has been through a lot (failed IUIs, failed adoptions) and through it all she has been so positive. Well she just announced she is PREGNANT (through 1st IVF) and I felt so good that there is hope for everyone that believes. I am so excited for her and her husband and I suggest reading her BLOG she seems like such a great person and if anyone deserves this it is her.
Long Day!
Yesturday was one LONG day. I had a huge project to do for school (master's degree) and the entire time I was working on it I lept thinking, why oh why am I putting myself through this. I hate school and that will not be the last time I say that, b/c it is true. I wish getting your Master's was easier butit is not, but I guess you have to do what you have to do. I also made a huge mistake of volunteering to put the project together for my group. Bad idea. Thank goodness it is over and now I can hand it in tonight.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Spelling
Just to let you all know, I am the worst speller, so if there are spelling mistakes don't shot me. It seems I type faster then I think. Is that possible??
Get to wake up to...
This morning my 2 year old Daughter asked for her nuk (I know she is too old for one, but that is a whole other issue) she was still half asleep and after i handed it to her she said in the cutest sleepy voice "Thank you MAMA, I go back to sleep now" and she did. It made me smile and so glad she was not back up at 4:30am. She also was talking in her sleep last night, talk about cake and bippy boppy boo (Cinderella). At first I thought she was wake but then realized she was sleeping, it was so cute.
BLOGGING, who would have thought.
Well, here I go I am starting a BLOG. Who would have thought. I always thought blogging was dumb, who would read this stuff but after getting hooked to a few blogs I figured it would be a great outlet to getting things off my chest and chronicling my life. Hoping this will allow my internal dilogue to come out and makes me more content in my life. I LOVE to talk and express my feelings. My Husband says I talk too much Sometimes. But that is just me.
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