I have been cleaning like a manic, I have over 35 people coming tomorrow for our 4th of July picnic. I am excited to entertain because we do not do it often. Plus there will be people here that have never been here since we moved in. I hope everything goes smoothly. I still have to finish cleaning and go food shopping, and make the food all tonight!!! DH has a lot yard stuff to get ready too. Talk about a last minute couple.
I also do not know how I will handle tomorrow, one of my family members that is coming is pregnant. I have not seen her in over a month and just seeing her belly grow is going to make me sad. I want that so badly, and while I am happy for them, they deserve another baby (just like everyone else) I wish it was me that got pregnant easily and not have to go through all the appointments and hormones etc. Why can I not get pregnant.
I know I will get over it once she arrives, but that does not mean that I will be upset for me. I am upset for me.
Then on Saturday I have another picnic at my SILs and there probably will be a girl there who is pregnant with her second, I will be surrounded by them! I just have to get through this weekend and Monday will be my first follie check, hoping for at least 2 good follies this cycle. I only had one great follie last cycle. I hate wishing days away but that is how I live right now. Hoping for the next check up with the DR, b/w or u/s.
This morning I was cleaning up toys downstairs in our REC Room and saw some peek a boo blocks that Avery loves still, and thought someday I will have to put these away and no other baby of mine will ever play with them. I know I have to stop thinking that way, I WILL have a baby one day we hope, but that is how my mind works. It seems so impossible... I need to be more positive.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I totally get the feeling sad for me thing when seeing pregnant friends and coworkers. We are getting together next week with a good friend who is 16 weeks...I should be 20 weeks right now, but we lost our baby 2 months ago. It is hard to think I should be ahead of her in my pregnancy and seeing her belly grow is making me so sad..sad for me. I think it is hard for other people to understand that part of it...I'm not sad because my friend is pregnant. I'm sad because we lost our baby and my heart just aches to be a mom. Hang in there, I hope the parties go ok and you make it through fine. (((HUGS)))
Post a Comment