Intuition

When does your intuition really kick in? When should you start to believe those thoughts that creep into your mind that are worst case scenrios are to be true?

Lately I have been having those thoughts... It started last Wednesday when my temperture dropped in the AM and I thought it is over, onto the next cycle. When AF finally arrived (even though I knew it would) I started to spiral downward. Those worst case scenrios started coming into my mind. Up until now I have been pretty hopeful. I would get AF and think OK I am sad but next cycle will be it. This time, I did not think that way, I am starting to think this time it is over for good. Last cycle named a perfect cycle did not work why would the rest... Maybe I am only suppost to have one DD, while many of you reading this will think I would be glad to just have one child to love and hold, I am totally grateful for her and she is a huge blessing in our life b/c I was told I may never conceive on my own. I held out HOPE for the last few months that the next cycle will be it. This time I am not that confident. WHY? I am not sure. Maybe I am not ment to have another child. Maybe all this heartache is because I am being punished for something. I think back to when I was pregnant with DD and she was born how much JOY I had in my life. She is still my JOY but my heart hurts, I long for that feeling again.

So back to the question at hand, when do you know it is time to give up? Is this the feeling I am having?

The last few nights, since that temp drop last Wednesday I have been asking God to give me a sign either while I am awake or in my dreams, to lead me because I feel abandon, the last 5 days I have had 2 dreams, one of DH handing me the cup for he SA ( so I thought maybe there is something wrong with DH) and the other last night of a house in the country and the only people there were DH and DD and Me. Dh always talks about building a house in the middle of nowhere. Maybe those are my signs, maybe I am suppost to stop this rollercoaster ride and get off. Then the other sign I thought was suppost to be a good one was I see pregnant women everywhere.

I am starting to HATE my job, which in my wildest dreams never thought I would say, maybe I am suppost to finally my MA and get a new job? Just wish I had a psyhic tell me what to do, TELL ME WHAT I AM TO DO? WHAT PATH AN I SUPPOST TO TAKE?

When I think about stopping treatment I am confused, I want this baby so badly, but will it ever come to light, am I being impatient or negative? Everyone in my life says they see me with more children, several say twins, which drives me nuts b/c they are just saying that b/c I am on fertility drugs and stereotype of people on fertility drugs points to twins. (thanks Angelina and Brad)

I just wish I had some guidance b/c right now I feel lost. I know maybe tomorrow I will feel better once I talk to the RE nurse. I do have a few questions. Maybe that is what I need to get some clarity.