All yesturday I would not allow DH to talk about it. I am afraid we are going to jinx it. I did tell my Mom who told me I had to tell my sister, she did not react. I felt for a few seconds yesturday after telling her that being pregnant with her is going to drive me crazy.
I cleaned all day yesturday (my house has not been scrubbed in a month) and tried to keep myself busy so I would not think about it. I have not visited one pregnancy forum, no SAIF no FF pregnancy site, even though they have invited me to join several times. I have to wait until the second beta to get truly excited. Don't get me wrong I am excited but keeping it contained until it feels real. I was so full of anxiety last night before bed I did not sleep well. I did take another HPT this morning, it was POSITIVE, so I felt better. It gave me some permission to go down in the basement and pull out my pregnancy books, Pregnany week by week and what to expect when your expecting. They are sitting out and I may read week 1-4 but nothing more. Being that I teach pregnancy for a living this might seem crazy but I like reading these books and it is a good refresher.
Please pray for my beta tomorrow to double, or triple. I want this so badly. I also have a counseling appt tomorrow b/c I made it for when AF arrived, my worst time of the month. I am not sure if I will go since my main problem was dpression b/c of another failed cycle. Also the time I am going is during the time the nurse will call with my beta. I am probably going to cancel.
Praying for higher numbers!
*** UPDATE*** finally posted on SAIF, I am totally scared for tomorrow!
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5 comments:
You are absolutely in my thoughts and prayers. I am really hoping this is it for you!!!
Praying for a doubling beta!
Thinking about you...
Come on beta...double, beta, double.
I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and hoping for great numbers! :)
I don't know how you are not screaming this from the rooftops!!! Waiting for those phone calls is just torture. With my first pg I was going through the infertility dr too,but with this one a reg OB. I had my prog and beta each checked twice to make sure they were rising apprpropriately but after that I opted not to get it rechecked. I just couldn't handle the anxiety of waiting every day. I did a lot of self-talk trying to reassure myself that I am pg right now and unless otherwise informed, I will enjoy it. I'm not suggesting you try this, just telling you I could not cope with that stress this time around (although it sounds like maybe my house would have been cleaner!) I felt much better after the first u/s but not really good until after 12 weeks-alright I still have lots of anxiety about it, but it has gotten better.
sorry so long, thinking of you and praying for you daily!
Phyllis
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