I have been praying for months for GOD to show me the way, to give me strength, to give me a sign of what path I am to choose. I feel with all this praying, hoping, praying and hoping, I feel exactly the same as I did before. I do not feel peace or stronger or anything, I just feel defeated and abandoned.
Everyone says, pray harder, GOD will come through. WHEN????? Because for months I have praying everynight, every morning and sometimes several times a day. I am losing faith. Losing faith in GOD, losing faith in myself and losing faith in the DRs.
I realize you must be laughing at me, b/c according to everyone in my life the cycle is not over until AF arrives. But I feel like this has been my worst cycle by far on medication that was suppost to give me better results. I also believe I Oed yesturday (rather then today - like the DR expected) I did call them b/c this happened last cycle but now it happened again. Why am I Oing 24 hours after my trigger shot? This is only according to my temps, which I realize comes with human error, but I take my temp everyday at the same time with the same amount of sleep, where is the error? They had me come in for b/w, which may have been pointless, b/c if I did O today I would have this morning and regardless the test is going to say I Oed, unless they know something I am not aware of.
So now I wait, wait for the b/w to get back (which they said might not be until tomorrow) 2ww is here and we are doing the pineapple this cycle (I rebelled last cycle) and going to acupuncture (for my last treatment) during implantation time. I am moving along even though this whole cycle was pointless and I wasted a whole shit load of money. I just want to SCREAM.
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2 comments:
Its ok to be mad and scream. Let it out. Be angry. Be dissapointed. Be frustrated. You should be frustrated. You deserve to get pregnant and Avery deserves to be a big sister.
But dont give up on this cycle yet. Because you want it too much to give up. Hang in there, Im always praying for you!
I agree with Shannon. You are allowed to scream and be angry with everyone in the world. This sucks, it isn't fair. Why us?
You will have second baby one day, Some way, some how, it will happen. Please don't give up. I'm sending lots of prayers up for you!
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