I went to bed 2 hours ago and have been up ten times. I just can not settle my brain. All I can think about if what if this cycle does not work. Am I going to have enough energy to do this over again? And Again and Again. I have a follie check tomorrow and keep telling myself that things will work out, soon it will be my turn. I am not completely sure if I believe that, but I will keep saying it.
We had dinner at the ILs tonight. Since they know nothing about our IF, I had to leave the table in the middle of dinner to go give myself a shot in the bathroom. It took forever b/c I ran out of meds and had to switch vials. It sucked to stick myself twice which by the way is getting harder to do. My stomach is not bruised but very sore. My MIL talked me into going to the baby shower for Dh's Cousin, I do not want to go, but we have a family thing on my side that day, so maybe I will go just to avoid my sister. Still do not know what I will say when I see her. I feel so badly I am angry about this, but I am.
I am hoping after I finally O I will start to have a little HOPE, all this stress can not be good for my body. I know this, but I do not know how to control it, I AM STRESSED, SAD and just plain DEPRESSED.
I have to keep telling myself this worked once it will work again, Right?
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2 comments:
Hope is a nasty little thing. You feel good when you have it, but it's such a let-down when you lose it. You do have a much higher chance with injectables, though, so I say let yourself hope :) I am praying daily for you!!
Hope is hard because it forces you to "put yourself out there" and in the end, you can still end up dissapointed and hurt.
But its also the reason to keep trying, the reason to believe, the light at the end of the tunnel and the shimmer of a rainbow through the storm. And in the end, it keeps us moving.
Good luck at your appt today. I am always praying for you!
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