This morning was hell. I did not sleep at all and was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up. They told me to eat breakfast, that did not happen b/c just the thought of it made me want to poke. I took my 4 advil and hurried to the hosptial. My Mom went with b/c she insisted. After I checked in I thought I was about to burst into tears any second. I held it together, thank goodness. I was not nervous about the actual procedure but the actual outcome.
They took me back and did their thing, the nurse who was there asked me about DD and it ended up we gave birth on the same day, when the DR came in she told him and he said, well we are hoping to repeat that soon.
He put the stuff inside me, cleaned my cervix, sorry if TMI and put in the catherter, it did not hurt just alittle uncomfortable, then they asked me to put my legs down (what?) that was so weird. When he put in the contrast I watched the screen but of course had no clue what I was looking at. I had alot of crmaping and pressure, the nurse kept telling to to breath deep right through it. When it was over, he went over my results, b/c at this point I am freaking b/c I have no clue what anything was on the screen.
DR told me that my tube is not blocked (hooray!) but my tube is kind of funky shaped. My uterus is bowed at the top, which he does not forsee as a problem, but the funky tube might be. He said we will do 3 injectable cycles with TI and then if I am not pregnant do a LAP on the tube, so maybe he can straighten it out. My tube is like a L, but should be like a J. If you can see what I mean.
He also added after all this, that he thinks I will be pregnant in the next 3 cycle maybe even this cycle. How can he be so optimistic? I wish I was more optmistic. I just felt like this is one more hurdle I have to worry about. I hate that feeling.
I hope he is right, I want a baby so badly. Afterwards I cried in the bathroom with my MOM, I am so scared this is not going to work and I will need surgery. I just can not get my hopes up to have them crushed, which is what has happened the last few cycles.
I hate that I am so bitter but I am. DH and I had a fight last night about the what ifs, and if IVF comes to be our future what would we do and he is staying on his NO WAY NOT DOING IT WE DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY routine. Which upsets me. I know he is supportive of all this but is tired that I am so upset all the time and that I feel if DD is our only child it will feel like the end of the world for me.
I know what you are thinking I should be happy! NO BLOCKED TUBES, but all I feel is saddness and stress.
Oh and today is our 4th anniversary and I do not feel celebrating, I am so emotionally drained.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Hang in there - at least your tube is open... It sounds like you have a doctor that is willing to help you. I know it is so hard, but try not to let the pessimism drag you down. It WILL happen. You WILL make Avery a big sister. Your sister may be an idiot (maybe not) but what can you do =)
Im so glad the HSG is done and that your tube isnt blocked. Im praying that the TI/injectable cycles along with your super clear tubes will be all you need to get your BFP.
Try to enjoy your anniversary today!
(((hugs)))
I am so happy to hear that your tube is open, thats great news. I know how you feel, it seems like there is always something to be worried/stressed about when it comes to IF.
Men do not understand how IF consumes us. Thanks goodness we have the blogophere to commiserate on. I am so happy your tube is open and your doctor is optomistic. Maybe today was just too emotional and you'll feel better tomorrow. I hope you can enjoy your anniversary evening. Happy Anniversary!
There is a higher success rate in the three or four cycles after you have a HSG and if you are also doing injectables I would agree with your doc - one of these cycles will be THE one! Just try and keep the faith, I know it's hard.
Post a Comment