HSG update...

This morning was hell. I did not sleep at all and was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up. They told me to eat breakfast, that did not happen b/c just the thought of it made me want to poke. I took my 4 advil and hurried to the hosptial. My Mom went with b/c she insisted. After I checked in I thought I was about to burst into tears any second. I held it together, thank goodness. I was not nervous about the actual procedure but the actual outcome.

They took me back and did their thing, the nurse who was there asked me about DD and it ended up we gave birth on the same day, when the DR came in she told him and he said, well we are hoping to repeat that soon.

He put the stuff inside me, cleaned my cervix, sorry if TMI and put in the catherter, it did not hurt just alittle uncomfortable, then they asked me to put my legs down (what?) that was so weird. When he put in the contrast I watched the screen but of course had no clue what I was looking at. I had alot of crmaping and pressure, the nurse kept telling to to breath deep right through it. When it was over, he went over my results, b/c at this point I am freaking b/c I have no clue what anything was on the screen.

DR told me that my tube is not blocked (hooray!) but my tube is kind of funky shaped. My uterus is bowed at the top, which he does not forsee as a problem, but the funky tube might be. He said we will do 3 injectable cycles with TI and then if I am not pregnant do a LAP on the tube, so maybe he can straighten it out. My tube is like a L, but should be like a J. If you can see what I mean.

He also added after all this, that he thinks I will be pregnant in the next 3 cycle maybe even this cycle. How can he be so optimistic? I wish I was more optmistic. I just felt like this is one more hurdle I have to worry about. I hate that feeling.

I hope he is right, I want a baby so badly. Afterwards I cried in the bathroom with my MOM, I am so scared this is not going to work and I will need surgery. I just can not get my hopes up to have them crushed, which is what has happened the last few cycles.

I hate that I am so bitter but I am. DH and I had a fight last night about the what ifs, and if IVF comes to be our future what would we do and he is staying on his NO WAY NOT DOING IT WE DO NOT HAVE THE MONEY routine. Which upsets me. I know he is supportive of all this but is tired that I am so upset all the time and that I feel if DD is our only child it will feel like the end of the world for me.

I know what you are thinking I should be happy! NO BLOCKED TUBES, but all I feel is saddness and stress.

Oh and today is our 4th anniversary and I do not feel celebrating, I am so emotionally drained.

Nervous wreck today...

I am so terrified that my tube is blocked.

I ahve my RE appt next week to discuss next steps and I know we will be doing injectables and probably a HSG. I am so nervous about the HSG and it is not even scheduled yet.

If my tube is blocked, I am not sure what we will do, We have no IF coverage so IVF would probably not happen. It sucks that I have to think this way.

I go back an forth on this, I did not have a c-section with my DD and I have had no infections since having her, what else could cause it to block?

I cried twice about this today. I hate the what ifs. I just wish I knew the whole story and how to fix it and be able to fix it and be done with a baby in my arms.