Down Slope...

I was on a high yesturday because of my b/w results but now the high is over and I am back on my way down. I can not believe how IF can do this to a person, one day excited of the possibility it may happen the next I am crying that I am probably not pregnant. It all started this AM when I getting ready, I found a pimple, while I do get these normally (usually before AF arrives I get one) it was small but upset me b/c this is usually the first sign that the cycle is over, no hope for me.

I know that sounds dumb, but it hit me like a ton of bricks, it is over. No chances this cycle.

The next blow my Aunt found out this AM she is having a GIRL. Her 2nd girl. Knowing this made it more real, she is actually pregnant and I am NOT pregnant. While this is good for them, less money they will have to spend on Baby stuff I am sad for me, all I want to do is spend money on baby stuff. IF sucks, how it can make your emotionals and thoughts on a rollercoaster ride.

I wish I know what the levels ment yesturday? I know my Progestrone should have been at least 15 and my estrogen at least a 100, but what do my levels mean. I know they mean nothing in the grand scheme of things but I hate the unknown and IF is so unknown.