I just read this book called THE WAITING WOMB by Jill Sayre. I highly recommend it. The author also had suffered through secondary infertility, but it is a STORY but some of what is in the book may have been her experience, not sure. Here is a part that I felt spoke to me personally.
" Yes I did have a beautiful and healthy 4 year old son. I dared not forget to be grateful for that, because everyone seemed to feel at liberty to keep reminding me about it. "I am grateful" I wanted to scream at them. Truly I was grateful. But having tasted the sweet experience of being a mother, I wanted more. Those who had never found themselves in this maddening situation had no understanding of what it is like. Secondary Infertility was just as painful as not being able to conceive the first time. In some ways it was actually worst the second time, because you knew what you were missing."
I cried when I read this. Because I know what this is like. I miss having a tiny baby in the house. I know what I am missing in the miracle of pregnancy and feeling so in love with something. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my daughter and am so grateful for her. She truly is the love of my life. But that does not mean I do not crave more.
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Wow, if that doesn't sum up secondary infertility I don't know what would. All the "can't you just be grateful for the child you have" speechs are really beginning to grate on me because it's preciously the overwhelming love that I have for my son that makes me want to have another child. I read somewhere that primary infertility is like walking past a bakery, thinking chocolate cake looks good but not really knowing just how good it is because you've never had it. Secondary infertility is like having a chocolate cake sitting on your kitchen counter every minute of every day and having tried it and loved it and knowing you may never get to eat it again. Which is worse? I guess that's hard to say but I do think that secondary infertility is unique and very misunderstood.
I love the chocolate cake analogy. It is exactly what is like. SIF is very misunderstood, I wish the nest would have a SIF forum.
Yes, I agree, the nest should have a secondary infertility board. I think many women with SI are scared to post on the tttc board because so many of the women there are trying for number one. In the back of your mind you're wondering if they are thinking the same things people say out loud to us like, stop complaining you already have one child, etc.
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