The pressure is getting to me.

I am counting down the days until our next u/s, I am praying for a little heart beat. I looked up everything possible today (I should be doing my paper) about early miscarriage (I know shot me) and what a u/s should look like at 6week, how early people saw heartbeats etc. I googled everything, nothing made me feel better. I think this is what IF does to you. While going through treatment all you want is to see those two lines, everything is so unknown. Will I ever get pregnant again, will this medical treatment work for me, can we afford this? So much has gone through my mind in the last year. Once I saw those two pink lines, nothing really changed my anxiety level. The unknown is back. I know I have a little sac in there who looked as it should and everyone at the Re's office sound so optimistic that we will see a heartbeat this week. But I am worried. It is back to the unknown. I do not know what is going on in there. I pray everyday to let this baby be healthy and join our family in May. I love it so uch already I hold my stomach at night just to be able to hold me tiny baby. The waiting is killing me. I thought once I see a heart beat I would probably feel so much better, but now I think I will worry until I am 12 weeks. I wish I could stop this, it probably is not good for the baby. I am so grateful we are expecting again. Avery deserves to be a big sister and I deserve to be a mother again. But sometimes I am trying to not get my hopes up just in case.

I was trying to take a nap today and DH asked me what was wrong, I guess I look like hell I am so tired. I told him I did not feel well and was tired his response was "you know why" I thought he was going to say something sarcastic but he said "because you are pregnant" WOW I am pregnant. Who would have know with all this worrying I am doing.