I was sobbing the the car, could not gather myself. Hormonal much???
It was that song she sings about about climbing the mountain and how is not about what is on the other side, it is about the journey. OMG I cried like a baby, b/c this is exactly what IF feels like for me. You are climbing this mountain you think you will never get over to the other side, and know there is something great to look on the other side, but you have to experience the journey to get there.
IF was a huge journey to me... Every step we made during treatment, every step we made during my pregnancy will be leading us to our little girl.. A year ago, we started official treatment, we were suppost to start in Feb (cyst held us back) , I took my first clomid (unmonitored) in March, and officially saw the RE in May. WOW one year ago we started this crazy roller coaster and yes the roller coaster started for me much earlier then that first pill in March, but it kicked in high gear in May. I have been blogging for over a year, and it has helped me so much.
I know once I have my baby our lives will change forever, that is what a baby does to you and the fact we worked so hard for our two children, I think the birth of her will hit me so hard.
I have some things in the works for after she is born... One has to do with my blogs, this blog will remain as MY blog and the girls will get their own. I realized I still need my place to vent, b/c mommy hood is hard but I also still want to support my friends out there that are still struggling, you know who you are and I pray for you guys everyday.
Someone asked me the other day that once our baby arrives will this experience finally be at full circle... the answer is no, I do not think coming full circle from IF will ever happen for me, I still do have my bitter moments about pregnant women and I am one. Also bitter moments for all those who are still fighting the fight.
So that brought me to another thing I have in the works, I plan on speaking to my RE once the baby is here safe and sound. I got so much support from my Internet friends and it helped ALOT, but I also craved that one on one interaction with people IRL. I want to start a secondary infertility support group, completely voluntarily. Because I want to give back. I never went ot a support group for primary IF b/c I thought they would not accept me... But I wanted to so badly.
Am I done having children, as of now my mind says yes my heart says no... But going through treatment was the hardest thing I ever done in my life. I do not think unless my DH says yes lets do it1w3frc5 again, I will not enter treatment again, I will not put my girls through that, b/c I was miserable for those 6 months + and I do not feel Avery had her Mommy fully there for her. I want to enjoy my children, I feel completely blessed to have them.
So once she arrives I want to thank my RE and see if I can start a group through their practice.. Can you guys pray that this becomes a reality for me... I really want this to happen. I am just afraid b/c I am not licensed yet to be a therapist but I do counseling all day long they will say no. This is something I thought long and hard about doing and would love for it to actually happen.
Sorry this post is so long, I have been thinking alot, not that I have time to think but things for us are coming up so fast... and of course sometimes you need to get it out.
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2 comments:
that sounds like an awesome idea!! Especially to go through your RE! I hope it works out! I hear you about secondary IF :)
That is so cool! I also know that you can start support groups through RESOLVE. They are always looking for people to start up groups and you don't need to be a licensed therapist. You rock for wanting to do that! I've also considered it, but not sure I could handle it right now. Maybe if/once I get to the other side.
I can't stand Miley's voice, but maybe I'll have to try and listen to that song sometime! :)
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