I am keeping this blog!

And making a different one for the girls, because I DO need a place to vent and share my deep dark secrets i would not share with family. I thought alot about this and I have a hard time being vulnerable and allowing my closest family members to see it... I want to outwardly seem strong and that i have to together... As most of you guys know IF makes you a emotional mess, so YES I am keeping this blog and using it for my own therapy, while the girls will get their own happy blog. Which i will share with you all once I start it.

thanks for all the opinions!

I made my 3D u/s appointment today for Friday march 13th, YES Friday the 13th and guess what while i am there there will be a news team there doing a piece on how the womb with a view is a fast growing franchise in America and Bryant Gomble's brother will be heading it! They told me to be prepared to be interviewed, how fun!

Sorry i have not commented in the last few days, i have to catch up tonight, I have had this cold that will not leave and being pregnant colds are not fun, DD started with it and DH had it slightly to we were so much fun together in the last few days, all feeling like shit!

Need some opinions....

I have been thinking of this for a while and would like some opinions on how to handle it...

All my family knows about our IF struggles and even though we have been up front with them I have never shared my blog with any of them, not even my Mom or DH. Only three family members know it exists (DH, my Mom and my Aunt) but never asked to read it or ask about it. This has always been my place to be FREE with my words and feeling without getting opinions from people who did not understand where I am coming from (LOVE YOU ALL) So here is the issue, I would LOVE to start a blog about my two little girls, coming from their point of view and with more pictures of them etc. More as a keepsake for them rather then for my family... however if I start this blog I would invite family to keep up with it, because let's face it you guys do not want to read everyday about my children and all the cute little things they do.

So I think I have two options...

1) keep this BLOG just for me... to be able to vent and share my feeling and some cute things my girls have done, and keep using it as my personally diary and start another blog for the girls, under a different account (so none of my family can find it easily) and allow my family to know about the blog for the girls...

OR

2) Change this blog into the girls blog once the baby arrive and try to let go of keeping this as MY blog and either not allow family to read it (b/c lets face it I have vented about family members and friends in this many times) or bite the bullet and let them see how far we have come and the details of what we went through...

THOUGHTS?

Getting ready for baby...

I am looking forward to getting ready for this baby to come... but will not allow myself to buy one more thing or go through Avery's old stuff until I get my house in order... we have done my storage room so the rest of the downstairs which includes our Rec room, a bathroom and my office need to be finished this weekend!

The weekend after is my birthday so I plan on doing NOTHING all weekend, just relax, I may eat those words later. The the next weekend I plan on doing the upstairs where our bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, dining and living room is. My plan is to have everything done by Easter. we have family here for Easter so that would be the perfect time then I could have 6 weeks of rest before my due date.

I am so glad I did not take a class this semester, I am having enough trouble getting things done lately.

My best friend who had the ectopic pregnancy and found out her only tube was blocked had her consult today and they plan to try to open her tube but they did talk about IVF! So i guess we will see where this goes, As always I am praying for a little bundle of joy in her arms soon. She also was so sweet she offered to make a baby blanket for our little girl just like she did with Avery, I thought after all she has been through in the last few weeks she is so sweet to still think of my bundle on the way.

Here we go again...

While we are SOOOO excited to be welcoming a new child into our lives again, IF still stings. The thing that stings most is when people get pregnant easily. Say they get their BFP on the first try or without even trying... it sucks.

It does not help that I work with Pregnant Teenagers (side note - I LOVE my job but sometimes it hurts) because it reminds me everyday how it is so easy for some while others suffer. Actually I LOVE hearing stories of women who had success after IFor are currently on that Trouble TTC journey, b/c I feel connected to them... we lived that. But when women who are pregnant say to me, I did not even know I was pregnant or we got our BFP on the first try I feel like I have nothing in common at all and basically want to stop the conversation there.

I have been struggling lately, yes we are getting closer to meeting our daughter that we try sooo hard for but I guess knowing this will be my last pregnancy (more then likely) it makes me sad.

I keep telling myself that I am blessed, VERY BLESSED! and that their life is not my life we all have different journeys and were we end up might me the same maybe not.

double digits

I only have 97 days to go! I can not believe it.

I spent the entire day yesterday with my aunt cleaning out our storage room, to get ready for the baby. I have to do some major moving around of stuff in our house to make room for her. Right now the room that will be her room is the "catch all" room of the house, so we were making room to move things. Now I can start on the rest of the house. I plan on taking before and after pictures of Avery and her room to see the transforming.

Also welcome ICLWers, I have done this while TTCing but not while pregnant, I wanted to get back into the swing of reading blogs and commenting and even posting on my own blog... Here is my story for those who are new.

I had my left ovary removed when I was 16 due to a tumor. I had to be on meds ever snce to keep the cysts away that cause the tumors. Since then I have had 5 cysts reappear but resolve themselves thank goodness. While TTCing for #1 we charted and were given 6 months on our own to have a baby, then we were to move to meds. I go pregnant and found out 1 weeks before we were to go for our first consultation with the RE. When my daughter was 18 months we decided to try for #2, which turned out not to be as successful, after 6 months the DR said it was time for intervention (if I am off my meds too long it can the cysts to appear and start to eat my only ovary) during the initial testing I found out I had a luteal phase defect along with low progesterone, my only ovary was giving up on us, it had worked too hard by itself for too long, it needed some help. After doing 4 rounds of clomid with HCG boosters and trigger shots, we were still not pregnant. We had DH tested and he came back perfect (figures) and I got my HSG done, we found out my only tube was shaped like a L and it is suppost to be shaped like a J, they were not too concerned about it but said after trying the follistim we would maybe have a LAP done on the tube. Which scred me so much because I only have one tube.

We got our BFP on our first round of follistim, with trigger and HCG booster shots and I supplemented with progestrone until I was 12 weeks along.

I feel so blessed to have our second daughter on the way. Secondary Infertility has changed my life forever, conceiving is a miracle that not all people have just handed to them. Some have to work for it and those who have to work for it truly appreciate their children. Secondary infertility also made me realize how lucky we were to get Avery without problems, she is also our miracle.

If anyone has any questions about our journey please feel free to ask.

Took my breath away

I think I had some braxton hicks contractions yesterday, we were are the grocery store and I started to feel weird in my stomach started to tighten, I ignored it thought maybe I was on my feet too much. Then when we got home I had another but this one took me totally by surprise and took my breath away. I NEVER had these with Avery I hope this is not a sign to come, my stomach is sore today but that is probably from sitting all day at the computer and at work, I did not nap at all today (world record) but no BH contractions felt. Wow I can not believe I am at the point where these could start.

Update on my friend...

She is just so heartbroken right now, the DR called ( the same RE I went to) and wants to do a repeat HSG, just to see if they can blow out the blockage. She was scared to do this again, but plans to do it. I think she is making the right decision, what can she lose. Her BF said he would do IVF if it came down to it, but she is not so sure b/c of money (they have no coverage either for IF)and the fact twins already run in her family. I pray for her, she wants so badly to do this as naturally as possible, she told me the other nght she looks at her son and thinks he will be her only one, I know that feeling all to well. Thanks for all the prayers.