Monday, July 13, 2009
today
was not so bad I missed Camryn so much and she must have missed me too b/c while BFing her this afternoon she looked up at me and smiled, like thank god you are back. My Momsaid she was good for the time I was gone. Avery of course could have cared less if I left. I told her this morning I did not want to go to work & she told me I had to b/c she wanted to go to Gamie's house. thanks avery!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I go back tomorrow :(
I start work tomorrow and while it is not full time (and I do alot from home), I am still very sad. Camryn has only been away from me for 2 hours total at a time. The good thing is my job is super flexible in the summer and I will be able to work around nursing. But I may end up pumping anyways. Our summer schedule is totally unpredictable. I am hoping to have the entire summer off next year, but that is still int he works.
I hope I am OK with minimal tears, I did not cry the day i went back with Avery, but this time I feel different about it, maybe working so hard to get her I do not want to leave her, luckily they will be with my mother during that time and she allows me to come and go as I need. And calls me several times during the day to tell me things going on and keep me in the loop in order to let me be in control, even though I am not there.
So please send good thoughts my way that I get through my first day. I keep reminding myself work is my break, I tell my clients that all the time when they do not want to return to school after having a baby, this will be your break We all need one.
Maybe I will hit the lotto and get to stay home so maybe I should start playing the lotto.
OK one more full day with my kiddo.
I hope I am OK with minimal tears, I did not cry the day i went back with Avery, but this time I feel different about it, maybe working so hard to get her I do not want to leave her, luckily they will be with my mother during that time and she allows me to come and go as I need. And calls me several times during the day to tell me things going on and keep me in the loop in order to let me be in control, even though I am not there.
So please send good thoughts my way that I get through my first day. I keep reminding myself work is my break, I tell my clients that all the time when they do not want to return to school after having a baby, this will be your break We all need one.
Maybe I will hit the lotto and get to stay home so maybe I should start playing the lotto.
OK one more full day with my kiddo.
Friday, July 10, 2009
6 weeks PP check up...
I had my 6 weeks PP check up today, everyone was so excited to see Camryn and told me they would have yelled at me if I did not bring her in.. SHE WAS ANGEL UNTIL WE LEFT! Dr . P (my Fav DR) got to hold her and I even went down to my RE office afterwards, (christy I talked to robin & told her I knew you!) I also talked to them about allowing me to become a support person to those getting treatment and needed someone to talk to and maybe starting a secondary IF support group. She said to send them something in writing and that it and it was a good idea, I am really hoping to work with them...
Also while outside the RE office I gave Camryn a bottle (she needed to eat ASAP according to her) I saw a Friend of ours ( not close her DH went to HS with my DH) and we got to talking and I knew why she was at the office she we talked alittle about IF and how she has been feeling about the DX and she also has secondary IF and is totally lost and confused, we talked and at the end she told me she was so glad she ran into me b/c if was the most hopeful she felt in a long time. So glad we saw each other and I could provide some support. We exchanged emails and I am hoping she uses me as some support.
I now have to work on my letter and see what happens.
On another note I did not go on birth control, they told me to use condoms for at least a year b/c they do not like their mothers to get pregnant before the year mark, let my body heal . Dh does not want more children. So I guess after the year mark we will see what happens. I do want more. But not with treatment, so if it happens it happens if not we will be OK too. I just to do want to close my child bearing time completely. Plus DH may change his mind. WINK WINK
OH and one more thing, I am having slight red spotting and have to go for a u/s next week (and we thought we were done) just to make sure there is not something weird going on inside me... she said it could be from the BFing, anyone else have this?
Also while outside the RE office I gave Camryn a bottle (she needed to eat ASAP according to her) I saw a Friend of ours ( not close her DH went to HS with my DH) and we got to talking and I knew why she was at the office she we talked alittle about IF and how she has been feeling about the DX and she also has secondary IF and is totally lost and confused, we talked and at the end she told me she was so glad she ran into me b/c if was the most hopeful she felt in a long time. So glad we saw each other and I could provide some support. We exchanged emails and I am hoping she uses me as some support.
I now have to work on my letter and see what happens.
On another note I did not go on birth control, they told me to use condoms for at least a year b/c they do not like their mothers to get pregnant before the year mark, let my body heal . Dh does not want more children. So I guess after the year mark we will see what happens. I do want more. But not with treatment, so if it happens it happens if not we will be OK too. I just to do want to close my child bearing time completely. Plus DH may change his mind. WINK WINK
OH and one more thing, I am having slight red spotting and have to go for a u/s next week (and we thought we were done) just to make sure there is not something weird going on inside me... she said it could be from the BFing, anyone else have this?
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Back from the BEACH!
Lots of pictures to come, but I realized on vacation and in a swim suit how huge I really am. I mean HELLO I just had a baby but I have only lost 15 pounds of baby and nothing since birth, I still have 15 pounds to get back to prepregnancy and 10 more of fertility treatment weight to get off. Why can I not be one of those women who just drop the pregnancy weight quickly.
I am not sure HOW I will lose it yet, I am think of counting calories and exercising a little but then we have the issue of breastfeeding and keeping my supply up, which is not great to begin with (whole other issue and will be posting soon about my love hat relationship.
I would LOVE to get a treadmill for the basement to do in the AM. But DH said just walk with the girls outside until we can afford one, b/c we are strapped for cash b/c I have been out of work for 2 months, Did I tell you I return to work next week? currently I am ignoring that fact. Anyone out there breastfeed and still drop weight, I would like to know how you did it.
I am not sure HOW I will lose it yet, I am think of counting calories and exercising a little but then we have the issue of breastfeeding and keeping my supply up, which is not great to begin with (whole other issue and will be posting soon about my love hat relationship.
I would LOVE to get a treadmill for the basement to do in the AM. But DH said just walk with the girls outside until we can afford one, b/c we are strapped for cash b/c I have been out of work for 2 months, Did I tell you I return to work next week? currently I am ignoring that fact. Anyone out there breastfeed and still drop weight, I would like to know how you did it.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I met one of my readers!
When I started this blog it was intended to allow me to vent and document my journey during treatment, I allowed myself to be very vulnerable in my writing which I am not in real life, I try to come off as having it together. When I started to get comments on what I was writing I felt that people understood my struggle and I felt comforted even though I did not know these people IRL, I felt connected to them... Of course when you have a blog like this and do not share with people IRL just the Internet world, I never thought I actually even met someone who reads my blog (my blog readers probably know more about my life them most people I know IRL - sad huh), but always secretly hoped I would meet some of the people whose blogs I read.
A few weeks before I had Camryn I connected with a Christy from http://www.challengethefuture.blogspot.com/ , she commented on a post I wrote and we realized that we live in the same area! We corresponded by email and decided we would met sometime after Camryn was born...
So here we are 1 month later and totally by coincidence she called me yesterday, but did not know it was me. She works for this company that allows parents to come test new baby products, I worked with this group when Avery was a baby and she called to see if I wanted to come in today to test another product (I am sworn to secrecy what the product is ... but it was so cool) anyways, as she is talking to me and taking my information she realizes that we know each other from reading each others blogs... OMG my jaw almost hit the ground, huge coincidence.
It was like we were meant to meet during this time, we were being put together for a reason... so I met her today and she is so amazingly nice and the crazy thing is we are so similar in our struggle with Secondary Infertility and with our lives. She joked today that her DH thought I was going to start thinking she was stalking me, but I was so excited to go today not just to test the new product but just to met her! I mean what are the chances!
I really hope that begins a great friendship between us. So glad we got to met today Christy!
OH and don't be jealous but she got to met Camryn today and even got to hold my little cupcake.
A few weeks before I had Camryn I connected with a Christy from http://www.challengethefuture.blogspot.com/ , she commented on a post I wrote and we realized that we live in the same area! We corresponded by email and decided we would met sometime after Camryn was born...
So here we are 1 month later and totally by coincidence she called me yesterday, but did not know it was me. She works for this company that allows parents to come test new baby products, I worked with this group when Avery was a baby and she called to see if I wanted to come in today to test another product (I am sworn to secrecy what the product is ... but it was so cool) anyways, as she is talking to me and taking my information she realizes that we know each other from reading each others blogs... OMG my jaw almost hit the ground, huge coincidence.
It was like we were meant to meet during this time, we were being put together for a reason... so I met her today and she is so amazingly nice and the crazy thing is we are so similar in our struggle with Secondary Infertility and with our lives. She joked today that her DH thought I was going to start thinking she was stalking me, but I was so excited to go today not just to test the new product but just to met her! I mean what are the chances!
I really hope that begins a great friendship between us. So glad we got to met today Christy!
OH and don't be jealous but she got to met Camryn today and even got to hold my little cupcake.
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