While we are SOOOO excited to be welcoming a new child into our lives again, IF still stings. The thing that stings most is when people get pregnant easily. Say they get their BFP on the first try or without even trying... it sucks.
It does not help that I work with Pregnant Teenagers (side note - I LOVE my job but sometimes it hurts) because it reminds me everyday how it is so easy for some while others suffer. Actually I LOVE hearing stories of women who had success after IFor are currently on that Trouble TTC journey, b/c I feel connected to them... we lived that. But when women who are pregnant say to me, I did not even know I was pregnant or we got our BFP on the first try I feel like I have nothing in common at all and basically want to stop the conversation there.
I have been struggling lately, yes we are getting closer to meeting our daughter that we try sooo hard for but I guess knowing this will be my last pregnancy (more then likely) it makes me sad.
I keep telling myself that I am blessed, VERY BLESSED! and that their life is not my life we all have different journeys and were we end up might me the same maybe not.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
double digits
I only have 97 days to go! I can not believe it.
I spent the entire day yesterday with my aunt cleaning out our storage room, to get ready for the baby. I have to do some major moving around of stuff in our house to make room for her. Right now the room that will be her room is the "catch all" room of the house, so we were making room to move things. Now I can start on the rest of the house. I plan on taking before and after pictures of Avery and her room to see the transforming.
Also welcome ICLWers, I have done this while TTCing but not while pregnant, I wanted to get back into the swing of reading blogs and commenting and even posting on my own blog... Here is my story for those who are new.
I had my left ovary removed when I was 16 due to a tumor. I had to be on meds ever snce to keep the cysts away that cause the tumors. Since then I have had 5 cysts reappear but resolve themselves thank goodness. While TTCing for #1 we charted and were given 6 months on our own to have a baby, then we were to move to meds. I go pregnant and found out 1 weeks before we were to go for our first consultation with the RE. When my daughter was 18 months we decided to try for #2, which turned out not to be as successful, after 6 months the DR said it was time for intervention (if I am off my meds too long it can the cysts to appear and start to eat my only ovary) during the initial testing I found out I had a luteal phase defect along with low progesterone, my only ovary was giving up on us, it had worked too hard by itself for too long, it needed some help. After doing 4 rounds of clomid with HCG boosters and trigger shots, we were still not pregnant. We had DH tested and he came back perfect (figures) and I got my HSG done, we found out my only tube was shaped like a L and it is suppost to be shaped like a J, they were not too concerned about it but said after trying the follistim we would maybe have a LAP done on the tube. Which scred me so much because I only have one tube.
We got our BFP on our first round of follistim, with trigger and HCG booster shots and I supplemented with progestrone until I was 12 weeks along.
I feel so blessed to have our second daughter on the way. Secondary Infertility has changed my life forever, conceiving is a miracle that not all people have just handed to them. Some have to work for it and those who have to work for it truly appreciate their children. Secondary infertility also made me realize how lucky we were to get Avery without problems, she is also our miracle.
If anyone has any questions about our journey please feel free to ask.
I spent the entire day yesterday with my aunt cleaning out our storage room, to get ready for the baby. I have to do some major moving around of stuff in our house to make room for her. Right now the room that will be her room is the "catch all" room of the house, so we were making room to move things. Now I can start on the rest of the house. I plan on taking before and after pictures of Avery and her room to see the transforming.
Also welcome ICLWers, I have done this while TTCing but not while pregnant, I wanted to get back into the swing of reading blogs and commenting and even posting on my own blog... Here is my story for those who are new.
I had my left ovary removed when I was 16 due to a tumor. I had to be on meds ever snce to keep the cysts away that cause the tumors. Since then I have had 5 cysts reappear but resolve themselves thank goodness. While TTCing for #1 we charted and were given 6 months on our own to have a baby, then we were to move to meds. I go pregnant and found out 1 weeks before we were to go for our first consultation with the RE. When my daughter was 18 months we decided to try for #2, which turned out not to be as successful, after 6 months the DR said it was time for intervention (if I am off my meds too long it can the cysts to appear and start to eat my only ovary) during the initial testing I found out I had a luteal phase defect along with low progesterone, my only ovary was giving up on us, it had worked too hard by itself for too long, it needed some help. After doing 4 rounds of clomid with HCG boosters and trigger shots, we were still not pregnant. We had DH tested and he came back perfect (figures) and I got my HSG done, we found out my only tube was shaped like a L and it is suppost to be shaped like a J, they were not too concerned about it but said after trying the follistim we would maybe have a LAP done on the tube. Which scred me so much because I only have one tube.
We got our BFP on our first round of follistim, with trigger and HCG booster shots and I supplemented with progestrone until I was 12 weeks along.
I feel so blessed to have our second daughter on the way. Secondary Infertility has changed my life forever, conceiving is a miracle that not all people have just handed to them. Some have to work for it and those who have to work for it truly appreciate their children. Secondary infertility also made me realize how lucky we were to get Avery without problems, she is also our miracle.
If anyone has any questions about our journey please feel free to ask.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Took my breath away
I think I had some braxton hicks contractions yesterday, we were are the grocery store and I started to feel weird in my stomach started to tighten, I ignored it thought maybe I was on my feet too much. Then when we got home I had another but this one took me totally by surprise and took my breath away. I NEVER had these with Avery I hope this is not a sign to come, my stomach is sore today but that is probably from sitting all day at the computer and at work, I did not nap at all today (world record) but no BH contractions felt. Wow I can not believe I am at the point where these could start.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Update on my friend...
She is just so heartbroken right now, the DR called ( the same RE I went to) and wants to do a repeat HSG, just to see if they can blow out the blockage. She was scared to do this again, but plans to do it. I think she is making the right decision, what can she lose. Her BF said he would do IVF if it came down to it, but she is not so sure b/c of money (they have no coverage either for IF)and the fact twins already run in her family. I pray for her, she wants so badly to do this as naturally as possible, she told me the other nght she looks at her son and thinks he will be her only one, I know that feeling all to well. Thanks for all the prayers.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Please pray....
My best friend who had the ectopic pregnancy the other week, had her HSG today, her only tube is blocked. :( of course of all days my cell phone was not working and she texted me first, then called and left a message that I could not make out b/c she was crying so hard, all I could understand was blocked and it's over.
We texted throughout the day b/c I was at work, and she is just heartbroken. I am not sure what their next steps will be but I am devastated for her. I was gong to go up to her house tonight but thought she would not want to see me right now. So I plan to leave her flowers tomorrow b/c I will be going by her house during the day, and send her a LONG email. I cried for her and could not believe this is happening.
Please pray for her to get through this, her name is Heather.
We texted throughout the day b/c I was at work, and she is just heartbroken. I am not sure what their next steps will be but I am devastated for her. I was gong to go up to her house tonight but thought she would not want to see me right now. So I plan to leave her flowers tomorrow b/c I will be going by her house during the day, and send her a LONG email. I cried for her and could not believe this is happening.
Please pray for her to get through this, her name is Heather.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
It is all my fault...
That I hate taxes, because I do the whole year for the business at once, I have everything throughout the year in a pile then start imputing it into the computer all at once, I usually wait until March, but thought I NEED TO DO THIS NOW, so I can start to prepare for the baby. Now all I have done this weekend is working on taxes for the business, I divided everything by month yesterday and today I started inputting it into the computer and guess what! It is 3:45pm and I am only up to Feb 2008, I have no one to blame but me... I procrastinate.
Monday, February 2, 2009
25 things about me as a Mother
I was tagged a few days ago and just got around to doing this. I already have done this in the past so instead of rehashing much of what I already said I decided to take it in a different way... These are 25 things about me as a Mother the good and the bad.
1. The day Avery was born I finally found my purpose in life.
2. I am very protective of her, I want to be with her 24 /7 and be in charge of everything she does. If someone else tries to step in to tell her what to do I become very mad (except with my mom or DH) I believe I know best and no one will tell me otherwise or you will get an ear full.
3. I love to snuggle, I would have Avery sleep with us every night, but DH has trouble sleeping then, she did sleep with us for over a year 8 months to 2 1/2. I loved every minute of it. We do sometimes let me sleep with us on weekends.
4. My favorite time of the day is when Avery comes over to our bedroom in the morning and gives me morning hugs and kisses and takes over the bed like it is her own.
5. I secretly (well not too secretly) wish I was a Stay at home Mom. I feel some guilt about working but know it is not an option for us for me to stay home, I am thankful she is with my mom instead - the next best thing to myself. She is the only other person I trust fully with her.
6. Every time Avery hits a new milestone I am torn between excitement and sadness.
7. I am horrible at feeding her breakfast (Avery is not a morning person either- she can lay in our bed after greeting us in the morning for hours if we let her) during the week she normally eats breakfast at my Mom's house on school days I allow her to eat dry cereal in our bed (this is a trait I got from my own Mother)
8. I love taking her everywhere I go in order to teach her things about the world, letting her have new experiences and all the things I love SHOPPING and EATING OUT! Even if it is to the food store it is a teachable moment. Again I want to be with her 100% of the time.
9. I so love that she is 100% girl b/c the tomboy stuff would have drove me nuts (hoping the next one is girly too)
10. I am very good at negotiating with her, and usually give in b/c she is good at it too.
11. I play reverse psychology all the time.
12. I love being pregnant not just because I can be fat and it is still cute, but because I have my baby with me all day long all to myself.
13. I am so excited that Avery is excited for her sister, she is always looking out for her. making sure I am careful not to fall or telling Daddy to not hurt her sister when he rubs my belly.
14. I love that Avery loves pajama days because I love them too.
15. I pray Avery will continue NOT to be a picky eater (DH and his side is picky) and I am not, it makes for meals to be much easier.
16. I love to see Avery play with DH, it makes me fall in love with him all over again.
17. I worry about Avery's health and well being everyday.
18. I am very lax in my discipline.
19. I think my child (as most Mothers do) is the cutest thing ever, I tell her everyday how pretty she is, she hates it.
20. I love shopping for my "girls" would rather shop for them then myself.
21. I love to do art projects with Avery, it allows me to color and be a kid again.
22. I do not have much patience for board games, even though we play them all the time, Avery loves them.
23. I would do anything for my child, anything.
24. I sometimes let the housework slide because I rather be spending all my time with Avery instead.
25. Avery is the love of my life, and is saddens me that she may be moving away from me someday - I pray we remain close and have a special mother daughter relationship. I am also looking forward to that same relationship with the next one, I am hoping to be very close to my girls.
1. The day Avery was born I finally found my purpose in life.
2. I am very protective of her, I want to be with her 24 /7 and be in charge of everything she does. If someone else tries to step in to tell her what to do I become very mad (except with my mom or DH) I believe I know best and no one will tell me otherwise or you will get an ear full.
3. I love to snuggle, I would have Avery sleep with us every night, but DH has trouble sleeping then, she did sleep with us for over a year 8 months to 2 1/2. I loved every minute of it. We do sometimes let me sleep with us on weekends.
4. My favorite time of the day is when Avery comes over to our bedroom in the morning and gives me morning hugs and kisses and takes over the bed like it is her own.
5. I secretly (well not too secretly) wish I was a Stay at home Mom. I feel some guilt about working but know it is not an option for us for me to stay home, I am thankful she is with my mom instead - the next best thing to myself. She is the only other person I trust fully with her.
6. Every time Avery hits a new milestone I am torn between excitement and sadness.
7. I am horrible at feeding her breakfast (Avery is not a morning person either- she can lay in our bed after greeting us in the morning for hours if we let her) during the week she normally eats breakfast at my Mom's house on school days I allow her to eat dry cereal in our bed (this is a trait I got from my own Mother)
8. I love taking her everywhere I go in order to teach her things about the world, letting her have new experiences and all the things I love SHOPPING and EATING OUT! Even if it is to the food store it is a teachable moment. Again I want to be with her 100% of the time.
9. I so love that she is 100% girl b/c the tomboy stuff would have drove me nuts (hoping the next one is girly too)
10. I am very good at negotiating with her, and usually give in b/c she is good at it too.
11. I play reverse psychology all the time.
12. I love being pregnant not just because I can be fat and it is still cute, but because I have my baby with me all day long all to myself.
13. I am so excited that Avery is excited for her sister, she is always looking out for her. making sure I am careful not to fall or telling Daddy to not hurt her sister when he rubs my belly.
14. I love that Avery loves pajama days because I love them too.
15. I pray Avery will continue NOT to be a picky eater (DH and his side is picky) and I am not, it makes for meals to be much easier.
16. I love to see Avery play with DH, it makes me fall in love with him all over again.
17. I worry about Avery's health and well being everyday.
18. I am very lax in my discipline.
19. I think my child (as most Mothers do) is the cutest thing ever, I tell her everyday how pretty she is, she hates it.
20. I love shopping for my "girls" would rather shop for them then myself.
21. I love to do art projects with Avery, it allows me to color and be a kid again.
22. I do not have much patience for board games, even though we play them all the time, Avery loves them.
23. I would do anything for my child, anything.
24. I sometimes let the housework slide because I rather be spending all my time with Avery instead.
25. Avery is the love of my life, and is saddens me that she may be moving away from me someday - I pray we remain close and have a special mother daughter relationship. I am also looking forward to that same relationship with the next one, I am hoping to be very close to my girls.
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